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Handicapping Barstool Moron Madness And How You Can Play

Introducing Barstool Moron Madness. As TikTok star Big Cat explained in the video above, there'll be 8 different pairs (one threesome) of Barstool employees competing in a pick off on the Barstool Sportsbook this weekend from Illinois. Each team gets 8 picks Friday and 8 picks Saturday. The top 3 teams advance to Sunday when the records reset for another pick off, with a draft for each pick. Winner of all that gets 10k. 

And here's how YOU can get involved on the Barstool Sportsbook. 

So place a $50 bet on the team of gamblers you want to back and hope they're the last ones standing so you can get that $500 in bonus cash. 

I am here to handicap the field for you guys so you can pick who to back. Let's take a look, in no particular order.

Rico and Chief

Rico Ryders join forces with The Burrata Gang in one of the most ambitious crossover events in history. From what I know, Chief is a quieter, mild-mannered guy. Not one to raise his voice too much or easily lose his temper. And Rico is the exact same way which should make for a great pairing. Given that Rico won a similar contest for the Super Bowl, you have to consider this team one of the favorites. But will he not have that same competitive drive now that all his enemies quit the company? I'm a Ryder so I'll be wishing them the best. 

Brandon Walker and White Sox Dave

I think this team might have the most comedic potential. A situation where White Sox Dave accidentally places the wrong bet and Brandon Walker ends up angrily berating him for hours on end is certainly possible. It's funny to envision Brandon strangling WSD as the eyes pop out of Dave's head. Probably won't happen though because Brandon would obviously never lay his hands on another employee. 

Rone and Glenny 

I have a sneak peek of their card and it consists of overs, overs, and more overs. Will Rone be able to convince Glenny into taking literally any other bet? This team is my dark horse to watch. Glenny watches a lot of college basketball, and Rone is known for his famous gamblin corner. There's also the possibility of Rone pulling out some voodoo witchcraft. And Balls is Balls. They're a couple paisans who have good vibes on their side. 

Marty and Spider

Spider is no stranger to free roll bets like this and has had some success in the past. He has good vibes and some good luck. The problem? He's been paired up with a man who is specifically known for having no luck and being a terrible gambler. The good news for Marty is he won't have the option to lose money by continually betting on Duke. "Do I back a team with a man quite literally nicknamed for his bad luck?" is a tough question you will have to ask yourself. 

Eddie and Hank

This is a tough team to handicap. I'm not sure what to expect from them. Neither are particularly known for their gambling abilities, good or bad. Hank did win Bracket Busters a few years ago with his Florida State pick. It's tough to ever root against Eddie. Maybe they're a pretty good pick. Their possible downfall? An Eddie stray clap.

Carl and Big Ev

The dynamic duo. When you think Carl, you think Big Ev. When you think Big Ev, you think Carl. A friendship with a ton of history, these are two hardcore Big Ten guys. This team will probably be the loudest/most passionate of the bunch. Expect this team to lead all teams in "Let's Gos" and potentially a "cocksucker" drop should things to poorly enough. I do actually like this team's potential a lot and think they're one of the best picks you can make.

PFT and Jake Marsh

Jake Marsh knows and loves his college basketball, but being that he is a professional Journalist, he is a zero unit bettor. Can his pure basketball knowledge and PFT's gambling knowledge combine forces to make for the most dangerous team out there? Will Jake, who has recently been having some angry outbursts, lose his temper after a loss and perhaps drop an f-bomb? Tune in to find out. 

Jack McCarthy, Karim, and Youngstown Bob

A ragtag crew of guys who mostly stay behind-the-scenes. Jack and Karim have come a long way since GuyGate. Jack does a ton of work for the Sportsbook, and Karim has become one of Dave's right-hand guys. As for Bob? Well, Bob still eats a ton of puss. This will be an easy group to root for, and no box in Chicago will go unmunched should they win.

Gun to my head for one winner pick, I'll go with my gut and take Rone and Glenny. 

May the least moronic gambler win.