Jerry Jones Finally Caved, Dak Prescott Finally Got His Bag

Good for Dak, good for the Cowboys, blah blah blah. I'm not doing the "Is Dak worth the money? Is he even a good quarterback???" bullshit you get everywhere else. I'd much rather focus on the more important details here. 

$126 million guaranteed has to be such a fun contract to sign. You should get a free 24-hours of absolutely no laws when you sign a contract worth several small countries' GDPs. I know pretty much everyone who makes that kind of scratch is already above the law, but I'm talking like a crash course on the new society you instantly join. 24 public hours of whatever the fuck you want to do. You want to host the Cartel for brunch before going down to Sea World and racing the orcas? Done deal. Control the weather and create a new ecosystem on a microscopic level, triggering a domino effect the world could never see coming? Be our guest. That's the type of treatment, especially in fucking Texas, that should accompany such a signing. You get two handlers like the Stanley Cup escorting you around making sure nothing too untoward happens to you. 

Less we forget, this is a man who went to Mississippi State. This is a man who got jumped in Panama City in 4K for the world to laugh at. Then he had to be Tony Romo's replacement, which really isn't that big of a deal unless you're a Cowboys fan so desperate for relevance on a national level that you pretended he was some other worldly talent impossible of having his shoes filled. Then you win the job, ask nicely to be paid longterm, get told to fuck yourself, and suffer a freak injury a month into the season. How many obstacles must one man overcome? Good for Dak. The NFC East is extremely terrible and the Cowboys should win it easily. Can't wait to see how they end up in a win-or-go-home Week 17 matchup against the Eagles somehow.