Diabolical Woman Divorcing Her Husband Because That Bastard Is Balding And Baby, That Aint What She Signed Up For

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LUCKNOW: Remember the character of Balmukund Shukla alias Bala in Ayushman Khurana-starrer Bala? A redux of the plot was seen in Meerut on Wednesday when a woman came to the family court seeking a divorce from her husband for hiding his baldness from her.

The incident came up in the western UP district adjoining Delhi. A woman made her husband’s baldness a reason to seek a divorce from him.

She said in her plea that she wanted a divorce as her husband concealed his baldness by wearing a wig prior to their marriage.

The couple had tied the nuptial knot in January 2020 in Ghaziabad. But a year, she came to know about his baldness. In fact, the issue came to light during the process of counselling of the couple at the marriage counselling centre set up at Meerut police lines on Wednesday. 

The reconciliation efforts are mandatory in cases of divorce.

The woman allegedly told the counsellor that before their marriage, the man had thick hair but a year after their marriage, she came to know that he was bald and that he actually used to wear a wig.

The woman also claimed that the man kept her in darkness about his baldness. She told the counsellor on Wednesday that she wanted the divorce as she felt betrayed.

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Fuck. This is brutal. My first thought when I saw this story was "how in the fuck do they not drop the link to that wig?" Those wigs would be selling like hotcakes. You mean to tell me this lady had zero idea her soon-to-be husband was rockin a rug? If that's the case, I need to call that rug doctor. I'd love to have a full head of hair but, alas, unlike my good friend Connor who is trying to hold on to his ever-shrinking hairline, I was proactive and shaved this shit right away. Bald asshole? Couldnt be me. 

There's essentially two schools of thought when it comes to male patterned baldness:

1. You can be Barry Sanders

2. You can be Shaq

Barry Sanders stepped away from the game at the height of his skills. There was no decline on Barry. He was still easily the best running back in the league and always wanted to be remembered that way. Barry could have stuck around and owned every record but whats the point? So you end up in Arizona instead of the Cowboys like Emmitt? No thanks. Id much rather go out at the top of my skill set. 

2. Shaq was the most dominant player in NBA history. Maybe not the best player but there was no one like him in his prime. Too big. Too strong. Too cute. But, Shaq stuck around and ended up as the Big Shamrock, the Big Sun. Yuck. Shaq should have retired after his time in Miami was done. Shaq essentially needed to shave sooner. 

But, at least it was just a divorce that this bride wanted. If this was old testament time and this dude was on his way to Jericho, she could have been torn to pieces by two lady bears after they were done eating the shit out of 42 children. That's not me talkin, folks. That's the Bible. 

PS: of course Im not gonna mention Dave in this blog. That's fucking mean. He got some hair plugs. BIG DEAL. Doesnt matter.