It Turns Out That If You're Vaccinated You're More Likely To Get Laid

Stephen Zenner. Shutterstock Images.

SSM - Keywords like “covid vaccinated” and “fully vaccinated” have started dominating bios as Tinder reported a 258 per cent rise in users mentioning the word “vaccine” between September and December 2020. OKCupid, a dating app that matches members based on multiple-choice questions, notes a 137 per cent increase in mentions of the keyword between November 2020 and January 2021.

The latest trend of vaccination bios seems to further add on to a user’s ‘oomph’ factor. OKCupid includes a set of questions about vaccinations that users can choose to answer in order to match with potential suitors. The question “will you get the COVID-19 vaccine?” has gotten 45,000 correspondents with over 70 per cent positive responses. According to Tyla, these users are getting 2.3 times more ‘likes’ and 1.8 times more matches than those who said no.

Hell yeah, inject me the fuck up! Give me all the vaccines! This should be the selling point to everyone, not the whole "make sure you don't get COVID" mumbo jumbo they are currently touting. It's been a year now, everyone is tired of the same old rhetoric. This is marketing/PR 101, you gotta change the message before the message changes you. So want people who are weary about vaccines to get the shot so we can return to normal life? Let them know they are 2.3 times more likely to knock boots if they are vaccinated than if they aren't. Not bad!

Now it goes without saying, Sarah dodged a bullet with that jabroni who rejected her for not being vaccinated. Unless you're 500 pounds or over 65 years old, it's very hard to get a vaccine right now. Honestly, could not tell you how to get one right now. Apparently if you're just a regular middle class schmo, your best bet is to lurk inside a Walgreens for a few hours and hope someone misses their appointment. But if that means you're getting cheeks at a higher rate, sounds worth it to me.

So hey, if you look like me, you know you aren't getting laid and need every trick in the bag to help. Being able to tell a soft 5 on Tinder that you're vaccinated? Maybe do some vaccine role play? Covid in the streets, vaccine in the sheets? There's something there. Good luck everyone. 

And yes, lying about it will send you straight to hell. But at least you'll get laid first. So it's a wash.