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You Have to See the Coked-Out Fever Dream That Is Finnish Baseball

Of the four major sports in North America, I think baseball would likely be the toughest to explain to somebody who had no idea about it at all. The main objective is rather simple, but you can get pretty bogged down with the intricacies and different unusual things that seem to happen routinely within the game. Now take that, multiply it by 100 and you have baseball in Finland.

I am enthralled by this sport. It's like they took baseball and said, "Alright, nix the pitcher, make the bases zig-zag, pretty much anything hit into the outfield is a base knock and make the field infinite so guys have to dive into rivers and such. Play ball." It's incredible.

I would dominate this sport. You score just by getting to third base and then get a bonus run for crossing the plate? The less running I have to do, the better. And the no flyout rule is preposterously amazing. I'll just put five seconds of hangtime on every one of those bad boys and see y'all at second base.

This sport supposedly being baseball is like the world's best game of telephone. That one guy came back from the United States and told everybody this was America's pastime. He almost nailed it.