Darren Rovell's Resume Is Squid City - Population, Darren Rovell
So Darren Rovell posted this last night on twitter, and my god is it spectacular. You know when Pres uses the word Squid, and everyone is like, hey what does that even mean? Well this is what it means. This resume is the definition of a Squid. First of all, its not even a resume, its a FUCKING BOOK! Bound. Laminated. Page Numbers. Cover. The whole 9 yards. I mean the very first rule of a resume is to keep it on one page. That’s the golden rule. Short and simple, not “lets create a manifesto in single spaced 10 point Times New Roman”. But not Darren. Darren creates a fake game program to flaunt his accolades. Good thing he had that Microphone in every single picture otherwise I would never have known that Darren Rovell is a REPORTER. Honestly this resume is so bad its good. I don’t even hate it. I actually sort of love it.
Other Highlights.
- He has a Home/Away Interview schedule – Darren Rovell was the kid growing up who put his baseball card in the goody bags at his birthday party. Also, he 100% had one of those fake framed Sports Illustrated with “12 Year Old Darren Rovell Wins Sports Man Of The Year” on the cover.
-“Throughout his 4 year career at The PRESTIGOUS Evanston IL campus” – Barf
-“Campaign Manager for the winning student body President” – You have to be an absolute tool to be your College Class President, so being his Campaign Manager? I don’t even know what that makes you but I know its Rock Bottom.
-Height 5’10, Weight 160 – Hey D, maybe mix in a few squats and push ups into your busy campaign managing schedule.
-“Founding Member of Asterik, an all male a cappela group” – So perfect
PS
This all but confirms the fact that Rovell was the kid in Middle School who wore a suit to school everyday and carried his dad’s briefcase instead of a backpack.