If You Had To Kill Someone With An Animal Bone, Which Animal And Bone Do You Pick?

So Feits and I are going through some of the more wild stories in the Bible. For those of you who don’t know, before the Marines, I went to seminary in order to become a pastor. Obviously, that didn’t work out but I’m beyond grateful for my time studying things like we talked about today. Anytime you can discuss a strongman killing one thousand people with a donkey jawbone, you gotta do it.

Samson used the donkey jaw as a weapon of opportunity. He didn’t head into the cave thinking there would be a jawbone that he’d have to slay people with. The lord provided and he swung that mother fucker like Teddy Fuckin Ballgame and knocked those uncircumcised fucks straight to kingdom til I cum.

Personally, I’d like to give someone the whatfer with a narwhal tooth. Many people say horn but it’s actually a tooth. 

They use the tooth to break holes into the ice. Like other whales, they travel in pods. We travel listening to pods. The narwhal isn’t so different from you and I which makes using their body part as weapon so much more morally questionable but what can you do, brother, when the Philistines and their nasty pagan ways are tryin to run wild on you? You eat your vitamins and say your prayers. After that, you’re all out of vitamins and prayers so it’s time to eat some Philistine candy ass and that’s the bottom line.

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