Dolly Parton Remade "9 to 5" For A Super Bowl Commercial And The Bastardization Of Fantastic Songs For Corporate Use Needs To Stop

CMT - Dolly Parton’s re-recorded her country classic as “5 to 9.” The reason is as much a reflection of the times as it is her partnership with Squarespace — the all-in-one website building and e-commerce platform — for an ad for this coming Sunday’s NFL season finale, Super Bowl LV.

Academy Award winner Damien Chazelle directed the commercial, which will air during the big game As well Tony Award-winner Justin Peck oversaw choreography, featuring Broadway and off-Broadway dancers. The song itself now tells listeners to “change [their lives], do something that gives it meaning.”

Regarding the spot, Squarespace notes the following in an official statement:

“’5 to 9’ is a siren call for the hustle economy and a belief in the possibility that every idea can have a life of its own. The theatrical world of “5 to 9” created in the spot is meant to act as a catalyst to encourage people to take their side hustle full-time, and making it a reality starts with a website.”

However, there’s actually more to the announcement. Just like her fans, Dolly — who already owns multiple businesses — is dipping her toe into yet another side hustle, in tandem with the commercial’s airing. Dolly — her namesake fragrance — will launch its website on Squarespace before the Super Bowl, too.

I fuckin loved "La-La Land" and respect the hell out of director Damien Chazelle.

But this commercial, and song remake are both hot garbage.

You can't take a song as fire as "9 to 5" and rearrange it to fit your marketing needs. 

This song is an all-timer.

Timeless foot-stomper, crowd anthem. 

It comes on at a bar and every woman, regardless of her age, will immediately stop the mindless story they are rambling on about and begin belting it out. 

I'm over corporate America shelling out big bucks to artists and publishing rights holders, and them selling out, in order to craft these remixes. 

(Unless its the "Tag Team - Scoop There It Is" Geico commercial because that one fucks)

This "5 to 9" song shall be added to the long list of terrible songs that sold out for advertising dollars.

Here are some others-

Sarah McLachlan - "In The Arms Of An Angel"

I'm not even going to link to this one because I don't want to be responsible for ruining everybody's month of February. But you all know this one. Perfectly fine sappy sad 90s song that got transformed into THE MOST depressing and heartbreaking song ever because of these ASPCA commercials. I'm man enough to admit I've cried several times when I haven't been able to turn the channel and had to endure watching those poor pups and cats while McLachlan sings "fly awayyyyyyy, from here…". Fuck this song.

Bob Seger - "Like A Rock"

Don't get this twisted. This is not a knock against Bob Seger. Bob Seger is the fucking man. 

What pisses me off about this is how well done a job it was by Chevy's marketing team. This song is seared into my fucking brain so that anytime I hear it I immediately think Chevy trucks are built like a rock and I picture them bouncing up and down, getting tons of heavy machinery or fill dropped into their beds and they keep on keeping on. Bob Seger's perfectly toned raspy voice is a secondary thought behind the Detroit motor company. 

Phil Collins - "In The Air Tonight"

If you follow my "Sunday Night Sample" blogs (shameless plug) at all, you've noticed a recurring theme where some artists give zero fucks about clearing samples of their work and some will refuse no matter what the offer. This is obviously one of the greatest songs of all time, it's just bizarre that Phil Collins, who has had endless requests to sample or license the song chose this Cadbury gorilla commercial to give the thumbs up to. Maybe he lightened up after it because in the last twenty years it's had several resurgence thanks to being heard in The Hangover and a couple tik tok blow ups.

Lynyrd Skynnyrd - "Sweet Home Alabama"

It's Kentucky Fried Chicken, not Alabama Fried Chicken no?

Michael Andres - "Mad World"

Shout out to my Sparkle Motion fans.

Not into these new video games that you can't tell if they're movies or games. Using this song made famous by the unbelievable Donnie Darko is no bueno bub.

Janis Joplin - "Mercedes Benz"

Another marketing department wtf? This song was clearly anti-capitalism and a knock-on keeping up with the Jones', Mercedes, and other fancy cars, yet they chose to run with it for this campaign. 

Nick Drake - Pink Moon

More drug use, and suicidal thoughts, this time in a Volkswagon commercial.

Foster The People - "Pumped Up Kicks"

An infectiously catchy song I'll be the first to admit. But extremely sinister when you actually listen to the lyrics. Grabbing a gun and massacring everybody in your school? This translates to a beer ad how exactly Australian Castlemine?

Snoop Dogg & Pharrell - "Drop It Like It's Hot"

Sixpence None The Richer - "There She Goes"

This song's about a girl addicted to heroine so they use it in a birth control ad?

The Beatles - "Taxman"

This song demonizes the tax system so what better song for H&R Block to use to sell its services?

I don't know what the fuck Sun Drop is, I'm guessing a Squirt rip off that's no longer in business? If the Sun Drop people are reading this I mean no offense. Adding the Fat Man Scoop voiceover up front still couldn't save this travesty of a commercial from it's criminal use of an all-time classic song.

Allman Brothers - "Midnight Rider"

This is a perfect example of asking the question who the fuck runs marketing companies and greenlights high-up decisions like this?

Did nobody bother to take the 5 seconds to look up the Allman Brothers Wikipedia page? At the very fuckin least? If they had, they would have realized founding members Duane Allman and Berry Oakley both died in separate motorcycle accidents. Poor taste Geico poor taste.

Iggy Pop - "Lust For Life"

My entire perspective about Carnival Cruises changed when I learned this song is about heroine… 

’Here comes Johnny Yen again/ With the liquor and drugs/ And a flesh machine/ He’s gonna do another strip tease.’

The Smiths - "How Soon Is Now?"

Couldn't find a more depressing song Nissan?

John Fogerty - "Fortunate Son"

Which anti-war song has been misused more throughout history? This classic or "Born In The USA"?

Rolling Stones - "Brown Sugar"

Guess the lyrics of this song about sexing with slaves went right over Pepsi's head.

Led Zeppelin - "Rock & Roll"

One of the best songs of all time. So I get why Cadillac wanted to use it. But the songs about being sex deprived. Were they trying to send a message?

p.s. - all-time babe of course