New Eagles HC Nick Sirianni Has Cracked The Code On Smartness, And You're All Just Too Dumb To Understand

Been seeing a lot of folks on the ol' Twitter machine making fun of my guy Nick Sirianni today for his first press conference as the head coach of the Philadelphia Eagles. And sure, he may have jumbled his words a little bit up there. And sure, it may not have been as "run through a brick wall" inspiring as Dan Campbell talking about taking other team's kneecaps. But please do me one gigantic favor and spot the lie for me. 

The Eagles have been fucking IDIOTS for far too long. They are just a terribly dumb football team. An idiotic group of imbeciles who have an incompetent GM, a former head coach who just went Leroy Jenkins mode all the time, and a quarterback who needs roughly 75 seconds in the pocket before he can make a decision. 

So yes. The Eagles need to be a smart football team. Want to know the easiest way to be smart? To dumb everything down. Explain it to me like I'm 5. Just think about how many people learned everything they needed to know about the stock market this week after reading an explanation about a monkey buying bananas. You dumb shit down, you learn it good, you do it good. 

Less thinking = talent takeover. 

Less. Thinking. Equals. Talent. Takeover. 

It's that simple. And Slick Nick just cracked the code. Don't believe him? Too bad. You'll be the one looking like a nincompoop in the end. 

(But yeah. That was tough to listen through. I like to think that maybe he had an original speech written out that ended up being super similar to Dan Campbell's, so then he had to scramble to write a new one after DC stole his shine)

Go Birds.