BREAKING NEWS: The Vancouver Canucks beat the piss out of the Senators, per multiple sources close to the situation.
The Sens have assembled the roster, they went back to their original sweaters, but for some reason they have still been brutal to start the season. So brutal that the Canucks put a 7-spot up on them last night after the career first hat trick from Brandon Sutter, a first career goal from Olli Juolevi, the first goal of the season for Quinn Hughes, and a few other lamp lighters from the boys.
It turned into a stat night for the Canucks. Or at least a stat night for everybody besides Vancouver's top line. Become somehow, some way, the Miller-Pettersson-Boeser line managed to come away with 0 combined points and ended up being a dash 1 on the night. I know that +/- is an outdated stat and everything but to come out of a 7-1 win as a -1? As JT Miller would go on to put it…
"FUCK!!! FUCK ME!!!!"
You can throw your goals and assists out the window. Take your Corsi, roll it up into a little ball and shove it up your own ass. The only stat that matters right now is F-Bombs Picked Up By The Broadcast Per 60. And not only does JT Miller currently lead the league, but that shift puts him on pace to have a record breaking season. That's the one bright side of not having any fans in the barn this year. You can put up some insane numbers in the FBPUBTB per 60 category.
Oh and by the way, I know the Sens suck right now. But this type of ball busting is how you know that locker room will eventually turn things around.
Such a menace.