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Beef Jerky Doesn't Smell That Bad You Assholes

This week on The Dog Walk, we invited Trent on to draft road trip snacks.

1 chocolate
1 gummy
1 chip
1 drink
1 miscellaneous 

Think anything you can get in a gas station or convenience mart when you're filling up, about to hit the open road. Speaking of open road, Open Road is a fantastic song by Slightly Stoopid where Miles Doughty has an awesome guitar solo. Take a look for yourself:

And Slightly Stoopid is awesome road trip music. I listened to their albums Closer to the Sun, Chronchitis, and Slightly Stoopid Slightly Not Stoned Enough to Eat Breakfast Yet Stoopid on a shorter road trip from Phoenix to Vegas a few years ago with a buddy. You should give them a shot on your next road trip if you're into reggae infused hip hop music.           

I'm sorry I got sidetracked, but Slightly Stoopid is fucking awesome. But to get back to the matter at hand, we're on to talking us some snake drafts. Everyone gets sort of nervous if they have the 1st or 2nd overall picks at this point, because our weird brains are so... weird that if we pick something outside the box for the first pick or two, it puts the rest of the drafters on tilt. We all go in thinking there will be a clear cut top few picks. 

For this draft in particular, I thought beef jerky was a clear cut top 3 pick. Luckily for me, it fell to me at 3 and I couldn't have been happier to draft it. To me, it's consummate with road trips. The packaging reseals easily, it's not THAT bad for you, at a least not in terms of loading yourself up with processed carbs and shit, and it's just good. Its only drawback is that it's priced like it's imported from goddamn Mars. 

But when I took it I was met with sarcasm, laughter and vitriol. I couldn't believe what I was hearing and none of it made sense to me, ESPECIALLY when the rest of the drafters' issues was this...

They were bitching about the SMELL of beef jerky. The smell!!! I honestly thought I was getting punked and it was just another way for Red Ed to control the media and narrative of the draft. Disgusting, dangerous behavior if we're being frank, and being frank is something I always strive to be as a snake drafter.

I have to first to admit - I have an awful sense of smell. Yes, I had the Rona but I never had a good sense of smell. I'm like Dewey Cox, an odor has to be REALLY pungent to hit me badly. Real talk I think my eyes are so good that my body evens itself out by taking away some of my sense of smell. Not even kidding when I say that, it makes perfect sense in my dumb brain. 

Anyways let's watch two young whippersnappers get into a machete fight that results in one of them losing their sense of smell: 

What a sneaky underrated movie, absolutely fucking hilarious. 

Sorry for another sidetrack. Look, if you're packing 4-6 dudes in a car, bad odors are the LAST thing you are worried about, especially if your windows are down like they should be (windows > AC). An hour or two into the trip you're all gross and stinking up the joint anyways. Couple that with some dude that inevitably snuck booze into the car, 12 different types of chips/candies/drinks that are spilling all over the place and the one asshole that just has to rip ass every chance he gets, and that car is going to stink especially if you got 1000+ miles to log. 

In the grand scheme of things, the smell of beef jerky is the LAST thing people should be worried about on a road trip. Nice try though Ed, you commie bastard. I'm on to your games, you sneaky butthole. I'm an American - I won't let your propaganda seep into the minds of the voting populace. There's no room for your Pol Pot-like shenanigans in this home. You've been warned.

And don't even get me started on the "Monster" debacle. That's a whole other debate in and of itself. IYKYK. If you don't, you haven't listened to this week's episode yet, and that should be your first move today. You can find it here: