True Detective Episode 5 That Should Have Been Episode 2

I’m not gonna do a full recap of vines and pictures and videos because its very clear at this point I’m not too big of a fan of this show. But episode 5 finally had some movement for once, and it was an episode that should have happened a few weeks earlier.

The main bombshell from last night is that we find out that the man who raped Colin Farrell’s wife was caught and DNA matched. Meaning all those years ago, the person that Vince Vaughn fed to Colin Farrell for revenge was the wrong guy. Meaning Farrell killed the wrong guy and has been fucked up and tormented for all the wrong reasons ever since. Vince Vaughn has held this over his head for years now. So that final “We need to talk” scene has some promise for next week.

This is all unveiled after there’s been like a 4 month hiatus that has Riggins doing insurance fraud work in a suit, McAdams logging evidence, and Collin Farrell “consulting” with Vince Vaughn. After that dumbass forced shoot out scene to end last episode, it seems the Caspere murder was pushed to the back burner but that big fat black chick wants to continue to investigate off the books so she brings in the 3 misfits. Investigation basically starts all over again. And thats what I got a kick out of. When McAdams says “Its never to late to start over.”

Yes, it is to late to start over. They basically started the show over again last night. Theres now only three episodes left and physically not enough time to dig in deep enough to the remaining 4 characters. It was probably doomed from the start with 4 main characters and only 8 episodes but wasting episodes 2, 3, and 4 sealed its fate. Last night there was a bombshell secret between Farrell and Vaughn revealed, we find out that the fat cop who got his head blown off in the shootout, Dixon, was investigating the diamonds found in Caspere’s deposit boxed, linked to the high class sex party via the pictures that the missing girl provided, before the Caspere murder. Specifically telling pawn dealers to keep it quiet. So he was in-the-know about these diamonds and these sex parties. McAdams and Riggins find a shack with a chair and blood spatters everywhere, a place where people are specifically slaughtered. THESE are the things I wanted from my fucked up murder mystery show. Had this been episode 2, or maybe 3, this show would have been in such a better place. Episode 1 sets the stage, and then this sets everything in motion. I realize they needed the time lapse after the big shootout and all that shit to establish all these characters are kind of “off the record” or have “gone rogue” now. Things would have probably felt a bit rushed had we cut right to this episode. But thats the problem when you’re dealing with a 1 season, 8 episode, 4 character show – time. I would have rather them skip all the bullshit from episodes 2 3 and 4 and cut right to episode 5 where we’re actually investigating the high society, swinger-murder parties of the affluent men of California. There’s actual conflict and secrets between the characters. Promise of some fucking danger and tense thriller shit with Ani going under cover in the hooker party. This is the show I signed up for. Not the extended monologues where Nic Pizzolatto thinks the world is slobbering his dick over his one liners. Not the slow, drawn out, noir bullshit. Episode 5 was actually (somewhat) fun when compared to other episodes we’ve seen, but its just too late. The first 4 wasted a month of TV and were such garbage I cant see anyway I’d end up thinking season 2 of True Detective was a tight, quality, entertaining season of TV. This dude from Todd VanDerWerff @tvoti summed it up best:

“Even if True Detective season two pulls the greatest final half-season in the history of television out of its ass, it’s not going to erase the fact that its first four episodes werefrustratingly dull and often outright terrible, just as season one’s mildly disappointing ending didn’t erase all the good stuff that happened on the way there. As Paskin says, you’re unlikely to keep reading a book that bores you for 200 pages, only to improve after that.”

This isnt a Netflix binge show where we can watch it all at once and judge it from start to finish as one piece of work. Its a week to week show where every individual episode is its own piece of work. And like 4 out of 8 of them have been bad in my eyes. So, it is what it is in my mind. A numbers game. Half this show, at least, stunk. Hopefully the last 3 episodes are good and I dont waste my Sunday nights like I did for the past month. But just like last season, all the what if’s and could have’s of this plot, all the different character demons that wont really be explored, is gonna be annoying. Collin Farrell and the rapist could have been a whole season in its own right. Riggins’ troubles with war, Ani’s connection to that cult with her father, all that shit is gonna be left open ended just like all the fun theories from Season 1 that were actually better than the outcome of the show itself. And I know people say shit about True Detective like “Thats real life. Thats how things go sometimes. Thats real police work. “True.” “Detective.” ” Well fuck that. I watch TV for entertainment. I watch it for a good plot and good dialogue and to see story arches get started and finished and dont wanna be led astray and distracted with plot points that arent gonna be addressed. Whether because of time restriction or too much time wasted staring at the ceiling talking about water stains.

Speaking of, every week I think its impossible for Pizzolatto to top (in a bad way) his Vince Vaughn one liners, but every week he doesnt disappoint. This episode was “Its like Blue Balls for the Heart.” Which is honestly something a Barstool blogger would say in a blog about one of his teams losing, not something some big shot, fuming, gangster (oh, pardon me, he doesnt like that word) would be saying in a murder mystery HBO show.

Also, I cant tell you how little I give a FUCK about Vince Vaughn and his wife trying to have kids and adopting and shit. I know this is one of Pizzolatto’s themes of the show. Vaughn’s impotence and his wife’s surgeries, Farrell’s kid he raised from a rapist, Riggins trying to raise a family, blah blah blah. All this shit about sex and reproducing and empowerment yada yada. I get that its a theme. That theme just sucks and is a waste of time.

PS – This is the part where I would put a Vine of Rachel McAdams talking about how much she likes huge dicks but I forgot to DVR and its not on demand yet so sorry, I let you  down. Just know that she does love big thick dicks. And just know at some point this season she WILL be in the room for a gigantic orgy. So we got that goin for us.