The Barstool Fund - In Support Of The 30 Day FundLearn More

You Gotta Be The Worst Soccer Franchise In The World If Your Big Move Is Signing A 53-Year Old Player

I'm a Knicks and Orioles fan - weird, I know, I can explain. My dad is a Mets fan, told me not to be a Mets fan when we moved to Pennsylvania when I was young. Closest team to me were the Orioles and how do you not love Brady Anderson in the early 90s? Plus the rest of the family are Yankees fans and fuck all them. 

I know all about shitty signings. Hell, I'm still watching Chris Davis attempt to hit a baseball and I love Chris Davis. He's part of the reason why the Orioles were fun for that 5-year stretch with an ALCS appearance (fuck the Royals). We can list all the shitty Knicks signings but this blog would then be 5,000 names and nothing else. Even they haven't signed a 53-year old player. Not even close! Pablo Prigioni was only 35 when he was a rookie. That's a spring chicken compared to this guy. 

Don't get me wrong, I totally get this dude is a Japanese soccer legend. But it's a 1-year extension! He played 57 minutes in a match last year. Is he in better shape than this entire office and readers combined? Yep. But you can't be signing a 53-year old to play soccer at the pro level. Best case scenario he ends up being a glorified mascot. Worst case scenario he's starting for you and playing meaningful minutes. Again, this dude was insanely talented:

Just for comparison sake, Mike Mussina is 52. Can we get him on a 1-year deal back with the Orioles? Him going to the Yankees was such bullshit that he needs one more run with the Os. Also this time don't let Cito fucking Gaston leave him in the bullpen during the All-Star Game in Camden. I digress though. Long story short, this signing sucks. Shout out King Kazu for still getting paid to play soccer, but this club, yikes.