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The SEVEN Active 76ers Coming Out Of The Tunnel For Today’s Game Is Much Funnier Than It Should Be

After quarantining in Brooklyn the Philadelphia 76ers are BACK. Kinda. Sorta.

No Simmons. No Embiid. No... eight other players.

Dwight Howard and Danny Green are both starting. After that, boy oh boy do most of these names sound made up. There’s rookie Tyrese Maxey, he’s still alive. Tony Bradley played at UNC, that’s... that’s something! Dakota Mathias is most certainly not a real human. Isaiah Joe tells me they’re not even really committed to the bit here. Paul Reed sounds like the team accountant. If the Nuggets lose this game they should be stripped and sold for parts. The NBA playing this game is wildly confusing considering they intentionally didn’t schedule the second half of the season in case situations like this came about. Naturally they’re ignoring their own advice and putting out the worst product imaginable. Good job Adam Silver and Chris Paul, keeping the players’ health and interest at the forefront every step of the way!