The Ugly Truths About COVID-19 That Others Wont Tell You

Large1/11/2021 8:00 PM

First off (and again), I know I am not the first person to get this thing, nor has it been that hard on me compared to countless others.

Still, I am going to give an update on my tussle with the pandemic because someone reading this is about to get it (not from me), and a couple of things helped me out immensely.

And thanks to everyone who sent me remedies and suggestions for recovery... Some of them were batshit crazy and some of them were quite helpful.

I think I said this last week, night-time is the worst when you have COVID, but sleeping on my stomach has been a HUGE benefit for me...

It seems as if my lungs were more susceptible to filling up with fluid and whatnot whenever I was in a fully supine position, so I stopped laying down flat on the couch and I stopped sleeping on my back.

The only hurdle to flipping over to my stomach is I sleep with a CPAP, and the mask is most comfortable when you are facing the ceiling and not squished into the pillow like a prison-rape victim, but I managed. And I forced myself to stay on the CPAP even though it made my nights less comfortable because, from a breathing perspective, it is like having a mini-respirator on you for 5 hours a night.

With my troubles sleeping, I would normally turn to the bottle, but I did not do that during quarantine because alcohol dehydrates me and you HAVE to stay hydrated throughout your time with COVID… Since Christmas Day, I have had 2 glasses of red wine, and I basically forced myself to have them (along with some cheese balls out of a tin) during the Garcia fight last week. It was during a time where I had zero taste and zero sense of smell so the wine and cheeseballs tasted more like heavy water and packaging peanuts.

Since then, I have gotten maybe 20% of my smell back and nearly half of my taste buds are fired back up… Which is fucking HUGE for a fat guy because I have heard tales of people who went MONTHS before their senses fully returned.

This is going to come off as an ad (and maybe it is), but I did need to have some type of drug in my system to replace the booze while I was bored out of my fucking mind at home… Especially after stupidly recording…

So, as a cocktail replacement, I went with these Delta 8 gummies from 3Chi… Totally legal because they exist somewhere in between the realm of CBD and THC, and they are fantastic. I have only used them on flights before this, but now I pop one at 8 PM maybe 3 times a week, and they take my edge off as nothing else can.

(And be sure to use the code "HISTORY" for a 5% discount at checkout.)

Another thing that I bought that has been a boon is one of those at-home Pulse-Oximeters. The one I ordered off of Amazon set me back $29 and I have used it to keep an eye on how my heart is working and the amount of oxygen that is getting into my bloodstream… Supposedly, you are in BIG trouble if the oxygen number dips below 90 (and I was around 88 at my lowest), so I think it's important to have one in the medicine cabinet (next to the digital thermometer), so you can keep tabs on your family's levels.

And that is the thing with my experience these past 14 days… I have not only worried about dying, but I have also been concerned for the health of my immediate and extended family because we came in contact with a number of young kids and senior citizens over the holidays when we may-or-may-not have been exposed to the virus. However, I am happy to say that with the DOZENS of tests our family and friends have taken since our first positive result, not a single person that has been traced off of my wife, son and I have tested positive… That is including my other 2 children and their grandparents, who stayed with us all of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

Here's another positive- I just got back the results from my last PCR and although my wife and I are still positive, my oldest is now NEGATIVE… And since he never showed any symptoms beyond those of a common cold, his recovery seems to have been 100%.

I assume my wife and I will have similar recoveries as our kin… And that light at the end of this pain-in-the-ass tunnel is something I am running towards.

What else?

1) I have been hydrating.

2) Sleeping on my stomach or side.

3) I have been pounding Vitamin D and Zinc, but also one of those multi-vitamin dissolvable packets.

4) Mucinex in the day and then a more powerful Mucinex liquid at night.

5) I have been using my asthma inhaler more regularly.

6) I was taking Advil every 6 hours for maybe 2 or 3 days.

7) I have been forcing myself to bundle up at night and go for walks… The fresh air does wonders. And on rainy or crazy-cold days, I have been doing some breathing exercises a couple of times a day to keep my lungs open.

8) People are concerned about fevers… Luckily my fevers were never severe and seemed to break on their own at night, so I would wake up in a "sweat shadow" without ever taking medication.

What else?

Oh… Here's something nobody tells you and will probably turn you off.

The skin is falling off of my feet.

---THE FOLLOWING IMAGES MAY BE DISTURBING FOR SOME (AND WEIRDLY EROTIC FOR OTHERS)… VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED---

And I know some of you are saying: "Do we really need to see your feet, Large?"

The answer is "No", obviously, but if this were Fran or Kayce (or maybe Pat) writing this blog, you would be Venmo'ing me money to keep going.

Which I will…

I am essentially molting, and I don't know why.

Giphy Images.

Here's another tip for those who are bored during quarantine so they start ordering random shit off the internet…

This product works.

It's like a selfie stick with a crude razor on the end, and you can use it to shave your back.

Normally, I enlist the help of my bride and my trusted electric razor from Manscaped for jobs like that… And Manscaped truly is the Cadillac of electric razors (use code FATHERS for 20% off and free shipping)… But I bought this other little ditty a week ago while on a Delta 8 infused bender and then busted it out on yet ANOTHER Delta 8 whim just 2 nights ago.

It worked so well on my moderately hairy back that I decided to keep going with it and shave my moderate-to-heavily hair ass as well.

DO NOT DO THIS!!!!

I will not provide pictures but know that both of my ample asscheeks now have a small layer of stubble that itches ALL THE TIME.

I asked my wife to slather some after-shave cream on the area last night and I had to laugh at how her glute massage reminded me of footage I have ~~masturbated to~~ seen of Japanese men massaging Kobe veal.

Here’s the last thing I will leave you with… COVID 19 consistently (and without warning) liquefies the contents of your stomach.

How do I know this?

Well, I have shit myself 2 times in the last 14 days, including just now as I am writing this blog where I simply gambled on what I thought was gas and lost.

The first incident was during the height of my symptoms when I actually left the house with a box filled with half-eaten Korean food to illegally dump in a dumpster a couple of blocks away from my house.

I could not smell anything at the time, but I am weird with garbage, and I decided I did not want any remnants from an unsuccessful Asian dinner anywhere on my property anymore, so I took it on the run.

I made the illegal dropoff and then casually drove home. And as I casually drove home, I also casually shit myself.

No further details are requested, I assume, and no further details will be provided. But if you catch this thing, you can not let your guard down FOR ONE SECOND or the shit will hit the sweatpants in the blink of an eye.

It's gotten to the point where I have considered wearing adult diapers, and will probably do a review of a few brands later this week because I know what people want to read about.

So… If you do come down with the virus and suffer from a fecal accident like the two I just mentioned, I can tell you that your cleanup will be infinitely easier with 2 big ol' freshly shaved itchy butt-cheeks.