DM - The Mega Millions jackpot is nearly half a billion dollars after 16 weeks without a winner and a lucky ticket holder on Friday could give Taylor Swift a run for her money. After no ticket matched all six numbers drawn Tuesday night – the white balls 20, 43, 51, 55 and 57, plus the gold Mega Ball 4 – the jackpot jumped to an estimated $490million. According to a Mega Millions press release, January is a relatively lucky month for jackpot wins, though the odds of winning are 1 in 302,575,350 in the 45 states where it's played, Washington and the US Virgin Islands.
Well it's that fun time of year again! A time when a bunch of us we can already plan what to do with our fictional millions when the lottery reaches a jackpot of half a billion dollars or so! It doesn't matter if there's a greater chance of getting struck by lightning while being eaten by a Great White on Mars than winning - What a time to be alive! Again!
The Mega Millions tonight sits at $490 mill for now, which means you'd get around $372.3 mill in a cash payout. That's almost(?) a half a billion clams of straight cash homie. Almost every time the lottery gets this high multiple people blog about what they would do if they hit the Jaccpot Records. I've talked about this before, and since we are all degenerates and are going to buy lottery tickets, riddle me this: How many can tickets can you buy without feeling like a complete jackass once you inevitably lose? Because this is basically my reaction every damn time:
1 in 302 million are the odds. Personally I only got $10 worth because I allegedly have another life form to feed soon, or something like that. Generally speaking, if I see you spend more than $20 by yourself* on something this mathematically impossible I'll kindly ask you to step into my mansion filled with unicorns, for I have a bridge I want to sell you. Good luck out there, suckers.
*Group plays, like through work, are the way to go. Get 20 people to drop $5, increase the odds, WIN millions then bask in making fun of the suicidal sap in the office who didn't want to play that specific week. And yes, Seppuku would be a legitimate option if that were ever to happen to me.
PS - The US Lottery is arguably the biggest scam in the history of history and nobody gives a FUCK. It's essentially a large racketeering business run…by our own government. It's amazing if you think about it. We can't legally bet on sports in most states or play online poker freely, but Uncle Sam is essentially Don Corleone pissing on everyone's face while laughing hysterically (something I wouldn't be shocked if Marlon Brando actually did on set):
PSS - Also if you look at the odds, it's very depressing that the odds of getting killed by an asteroid are roughly on par with winning a 10 team parlay. Also, death by vending machine only 1 in 112 mill? I didn't even know those kind of snack related mishaps occurred in real life. 2 killer, old school Simpsons references in one blog? Don't mind if I do.
PPS - Myself and the mutt WSD are live in Verdansk discussing what we're doing with our winnings.