Barstool’s Gold Cup Preview: USA vs Panama
Samir’s Gold Cup Preview: USA vs Panama
Sup haters,
Question: What do Manuel Noriega, a canal and gonorrhea gone wild have to do with one another?
Answer: Panama.
[Note: anybody racing to the comments to inform me that PCB is in Florida please do me a favor and beat yourself about the face mercilessly… I’m dumb, not stupid.]
Now back to the matter at hand: USA versus Panama face off this evening in a game that is 200% percent meaningless for the (more powerful) red-white and blue squad – apart from the impact it will eventually have on our FIFA world ranking, which again is relatively meaningless in the grand scheme of things.
Obviously the first question that will pop into your head at this point is “Why is the game so utterly devoid of meaning?”… and the answer is despite having laid two HUGE eggs so far in the tournament, the USA has somehow managed to post two wins to wrap up first place in the group.
As I said before the Guatemala game (and again before we played Haiti), the final result is not really as important because just about everyone moves on to the knockout stage so what is critical is how the team plays… and on that count we have failed and failed miserably so far, eking out an ugly 2-1 win and an uglier 1-0 win against our respective opponents.
On the plus side: there’s nowhere to go but up. Now on to the action…
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USMNT vs Panama
USA (-180)
Panama (+450)
Draw (+280)
For those of you dying to bet the house, I’ve got some bad news… this ain’t the game for that. Panama is the best team we will have played in the tournament (statistically anyway) and are hungry for a win to ensure passage to the knockout stage, where the Americans – as mentioned – have little to nothing to play for as a team… though certain individual players may be hungry to prove they aren’t as bad at soccer as they have looked so far in the tourney.
Guessing who Jurgen Klinsmann is going to go with today is a crapshoot, but here are some players/positions to watch:
Defense: it’s tough to say your defense has been “bad” when they have given up one goal in two matches, so will instead say they have been disgustingly awful. I didn’t get to see the full 90 against Haiti due to a friend’s wedding, but from what I did see plus the previous Honduras effort this group has A LOT of improving to do if the US is going to have any chance of beating teams like Mexico and/or Costa Rica (or even Jamaica). Alvarado and Chandler, in particularly, need to take a good long look in the mirror because they’ve been the anchors of an all-around.
What a beauty
Gyasi Zardes: the LA Galaxy attacker has played well lately, including a well-taken goal against the Netherlands and emerging as one of the few players will to run at defenders so far in the Gold Cup. That said, I am still not sold on him as a long term contributor but I’m willing to keep an open mind, assuming he agrees to cut that Demolition Man ‘do ASAP.
Michael Bradley: he continues to be a bit of an enigma BUT with nobody else on the team or even in the system looking like they might emerge to challenge his spot in the middle of the field, in Bradley we trust… I guess.
Forwards: Jozy Altidore has reverted to his Sunderland self, which is not at all a compliment, while Clint Dempsey (despite the goals) has not been all that impressive himself. Seems doubtful that JK will give them much time together in a meaningless match so if whoever usurps their minutes – please dear god ANYBODY BUT WONDOOOOO – can show us something they’d have a solid case for at least being the first one off the bench when one or both of our “starters” is doing nothing and we actually need a goal.
PREDICTION
I’ve got no idea. My spidey sense is definitely pinging a bit given Panama’s motivation (and history of playing well against the US), not to mention our continued poor play, but we are clearly the better team (even if a number of key players sit) and this team has… USA to win 2-1.
Bye
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Programming reminder: for anybody wanting to get up to speed on the EPL transfer window, I’m in the process of updating the hand-dandy rundown (last week’s version: here) of what all 20 clubs want and need… and plan to publish it sometime later this week. Try not to die from anticipation.
CGI FTW!
Holler,
Sam U. L. Army