This Short Film Of Evan Engram's Lowlights From The 2020 Season Is A Haunting Masterpiece

I don't know if I should cry, clap, or throw up everywhere, but that was an absolutely breathtaking piece of content. And by breathtaking I mean the most haunting film I have seen since Requiem For A Dream as well as the first lowlights video that can be placed in both the drama and horror section since it not only includes multiple stupid turnovers but also the moment the NFC East title actually slipped through Evan Engram's seemingly greased up fingers.

If you gave Evan Engram credit for every interception and fumble that was truly his fault, I think he would rank in the Top 10 of turnovers this season, which is honestly impressive for any non-quarterback player let alone one that was somehow voted to the goddamn Pro Bowl. And in case the feeling of having your back broken by a game changing turnover isn't bad enough, the sick fuck that made that video was also kind enough to include the massive drops Engram had that instantly killed drives that had momentum.

I spent the entire 2nd half of Week 17's Dallas game randomly screaming at the sky about how I can't believe the Giants got Engram'd AGAIN after his stone hands caused another Danny Dimes tough luck interception followed later on in the game by a crushing drop on 2nd & 25 to the point I morphed into a chubbier version of Jesse Pinkman.

Luckily Wayne Gallman's fumble sent me into cardiac arrest by the end of the game which caused me to focus on my shortness of breath instead of my team's tight end and Doug Pederson supplanted EE as Big Blue Public Enemy Number 1 later that night.

After watching that snuff film video, suddenly this chart makes a whole lot more sense.

I knew the Giants opened the season against a brutal gauntlet of pass defenses along with a few challenges later in the year, yet I never realized it was that bad. I don't know what type of fancy advanced stats that PFF uses to measure pass defense, but I imagine having a tight end that acts as a rogue agent by essentially throwing alley oops to the opposing defense is what bumps up Danny's numbers to another level. Nonetheless, I'm sure Engram will be back next season, will continue to make one or two plays that can absolutely murder the Giants followed by a play straight out of Madden that causes the front office to forget the unforgivable drop he had mere minutes earlier. If Coach Judge can't figure out how to fix Engram this offseason using laps or tennis balls or whatever Football Guy trick my dumb football fan brain can't think of, he's truly not worth a roster spot.