Barstool Sports Invitational | Wednesday, November 8 at Wintrust Arena in ChicagoTICKETS NOW AVAILABLE

It Was A White Christmas Indeed For A Florida Fisherman As He Discovered 74 Pounds Of Cocaine Floating Off The Coast Of The Keys

Miami Herald - The Keys sheriff’s office came across some white stuff Christmas week. But it wasn’t the usual kind of snow.

A fisherman about 15 miles offshore of one of the Florida Keys on Wednesday reeled in an interesting catch — more than a dozen cocaine packages he discovered floating on the water.

Monroe County Sheriff’s Office reported that it was around 1:54 p.m. when marine patrol was contacted about the floating packages south of Sugarloaf Key.

U.S. Border Patrol was alerted since the packages were discovered in federal waters and the cocaine was then taken by border patrol.

Sugarloaf Key is about 17 miles north of Key West via U.S. 1.

Enforcement officers stated that the amount of cocaine found was approximately 33.7 kilograms or 74 pounds. The estimated U.S. street value is $850,000.

Let's cut to the chase here. 

This will come as old news to some. But for those that don't know, consider this a pro-tip.

When you're walking down the street and come across a bag of money you turn it over to the authorities. But that's AFTER you peel a little bit off for yourself and wet your beak. Not a ridiculous amount that will raise any red flags. But a decent amount that you can justify as a "good deed fee" or a bonus for being a good samaritan. 

You try to keep the entire thing and you are basically putting a curse on yourself and your family. You'll have the Russian mob or some other sinister dudes tracking you down and waiting for you in your apartment when you walk in the door in scrubs like Mark Wahlberg

Same thing applies when you're fishing on Christmas morning off the Keys. 

You find a baker's dozen of floating bundles of yay and you radio your fisherman best friend immediately. You get his ass out to where you're located pronto and you load him up with a bundle (or two) and you tell him to hightail it the fuck out of there.

Then you call the Coast Guard and report your discovery like a good American citizen. 

I know for a fact this wasn't our fisherman's first day on the job as the reported street amount recovered was $850,000

Show your math:

$1 Million cocaine drop

- 15% Good samaritan fee ($150,000)

= $850,000 worth "recovered"

Well played fisherman. 

p.s.- Does this amount seem low? I'm not familiar with the market but are coke prices dropping? I thought this many pounds would be worth way more. Or is it just not as pure anymore? No more disco shit?