Apple Is Reportedly Looking To Start Selling A Self-Driving iCar By 2024

Giphy Images.

Reuters- Apple Inc is moving forward with self-driving car technology and is targeting 2024 to produce a passenger vehicle that could include its own breakthrough battery technology, people familiar with the matter told Reuters. The iPhone maker’s automotive efforts, known as Project Titan, have proceeded unevenly since 2014 when it first started to design its own vehicle from scratch. At one point, Apple drew back the effort to focus on software and reassessed its goals. Doug Field, an Apple veteran who had worked at Tesla Inc, returned to oversee the project in 2018 and laid off 190 people from the team in 2019.

Since then, Apple has progressed enough that it now aims to build a vehicle for consumers, two people familiar with the effort said, asking not to be named because Apple’s plans are not public. Apple’s goal of building a personal vehicle for the mass market contrasts with rivals such as Alphabet Inc’s Waymo, which has built robo-taxis to carry passengers for a driverless ride-hailing service.

Let's cook, Timmy Apple! I know you are going to charge an exorbitant amount for this fine automobile that will no doubt have features that green bubble Android stans will say are dated because they came out eons ago in their cars. But I don't care about all that. Give me a car with a lowercase i in its name that is sleek as fuck, syncs with everything on my Apple products, and makes me feel better than the car owners who don't have them. 

I'm not sure if which key feature Apple will remove from its car in the name of of saving the environment, technological advancement, or whatever reason they took away the headphone jack. Maybe a steering wheel since the iCar is self-driving? That's fine as long as Apple sells an expensive adaptor that allows you to use a steering wheel like an Old for people that like the way things used to be. You know why? Because the people at Apple are pioneers looking to change the tech world yet again. However instead of reinventing the computer, phone, or tablet industry, they are looking to flip the battery industry upside down.

As for the car’s battery, Apple plans to use a unique “monocell” design that bulks up the individual cells in the battery and frees up space inside the battery pack by eliminating pouches and modules that hold battery materials, one of the people said.

Apple’s design means that more active material can be packed inside the battery, giving the car a potentially longer range. Apple is also examining a chemistry for the battery called LFP, or lithium iron phosphate, the person said, which is inherently less likely to overheat and is thus safer than other types of lithium-ion batteries. ”It’s next level,” the person said of Apple’s battery technology. “Like the first time you saw the iPhone.”

Oh hell yeah! I don't understand what any of that shit even means, but taking a giant technological leap on par with the iPhone that allowed you to have a supercomputer capable of streaming HD porn in your pocket has to have the Energizer Bunny shitting himself and leaving brown streaks all over that pink fur. 

Will the cord that is needed to charge that iCar battery inevitably fray, require the user to flip it for the car to charge, and cost 100 times more than all the other cords if you break/lose it? Of course! But having batteries from the future on par with the one those gold fuckfaces from Guardians 2 powering my car will be worth the 2nd mortgage I take out to buy it.

So name your price Tim and I'll see you while waiting in line for days with a bunch of other lower middle class people that have no business buying your latest luxury product who will then be back on line in a couple of years because the car we just bought is dated and barely usable thanks to a few software updates.

Obligatory Baby Groot dancing video from GOTG 2 just because it rules and that giant squid monster was going after batteries.

Name another website that finishes their iCar article with Baby Groot getting funky as ELO plays. You can't.