After Two Preseason Games The Celtics Look Like A Team That Has Never Played Basketball Before

Maddie Meyer. Getty Images.

After two presea-

Sorry. After two preseason ga-

Man, sorry I'm not sure what's going on. After two preseason games the Cel-

Ah, much better. Ok I think I'm ready. After two preseason games the Celtics look like a team that has never played the sport of basketball before. It's either that, or they are choosing to continue to play like gigantic assholes. You pick. There is a fine line between overreacting to games that don't count and then using your eyes. I'm not going to go as far to say that what we saw this preseason is going to dictate how their season will go. That's overreacting. But I have eyes. I know that the type of basketball I am watching this team play is complete and utter garbage. A steaming pile of dogshit if you will. That's not overreacting, that's telling the truth. There should not be a Celtics fan out there that watched those two games and think the Celts played anything close to an acceptable level of basketball. It was as bad as we've ever seen them play. I'm not sure if you knew this or not, but there are no more preseason games left to figure this out. A date with Giannis in a game that counts will be here on Wednesday. If they show up to that game with what they brought to the Garden last night, they are going to lose by 50. That's not even hyperbole. 

Coming off their brutal performance on Tuesday, I think most of us expected a bounce back performance. At least from an energy standpoint. Play like you care. I feel like that's an acceptable baseline to reach as we ramp up for the regular season. What we got was the exact opposite. It was ugly, it was embarrassing, it was pathetic, but we do not run from it. We blog through it. I could have skipped this blog about a preseason game but unlike the Celts I show up every single time. So let's just run through this so I can go back to pretending it never happened.

The Good

- Should I even have this section? Probably not, but hey we need something to fill the blog. I will say, the only real bright spot we got in both games was the play of Aaron Nesmith. This dude plays with great energy, always seems to be around the ball and oh yeah, he can shoot

When I think of my expectations for Nesmith this preseason, I first wanted to see if he could really shoot, and second I wanted to see if he belonged. You know how with rookies you can kind of tell just by watching them if they belong? I get that feeling watching Nesmith. Of course things will be different in the regular season, but he might be the only player on this roster that did not let me down over the two games. If anything, I feel like he played his way into legit rotation minutes. Certainly over someone like Semi. He's going to make his defensive mistakes just like any rookie, but this team clearly needs someone who plays hard and can shoot. 

- I know a lot of people were clowning Kyrie for burning sage at the Garden last night. But allow me a moment to tell you why I think this was a great move for the future of this franchise. Stay with me here. I think we can all agree that ever since the Isaiah/Kyrie trade, this team has had a bit of a curse on it. Especially when it comes to injuries at the point guard position. I won't entertain any other thought about the matter. When Isaiah got hurt and then traded, something happened. Now Gordon Hayward couldn't stay healthy. Now Kyrie's knee kept him out. Now Kemba, a player who never ever ever ever got hurt as a Hornet has the knees of a 85 year old man and is missing time. That's a curse. Read a book for me one time.

Everyone also knows that the only way to get rid of that curse is to have someone involved with the Kyrie trade help cleanse things. It's not like Ainge could have done it. It had to be the players. So here comes Kyrie to cleanse the arena with sage before their game. He thinks it's to get rid of the bad vibes. But what if it's the final step in cleansing this team and franchise from whatever the fuck was cursing them after Ainge did that trade? You can't rule that out, that's a fact. What if Kyrie did us a favor by using that sage? Sure it didn't exactly help us in the game last night, but that's not what the curse was about. This is about the health of the Celts roster, most notably Kemba Walker. What if now his knee isn't an issue because the hex has been lifted? 

Is this what my brain does while I watch my favorite team get their shit pushed in? Yes. Does that mean I'm wrong? I'm not sure it does.

The Bad

- Where exactly would you like to start. How about the Celts offensive strategy to start the game. See they apparently love to do this thing where they dig themselves an early gave just 5 minutes into each game. A grave so deep they never recover and I have to write blogs like this. It's a little inconsiderate.

How many more times are we going to see this team start games where 8 of their first 11 shots are threes? All while none of them are going in? It's infuriating. And no, it's not just Marcus Smart, although he took 6 first quarter threes. It was everyone, the Jays included. Everyone just sitting around and taking early shot clock threes while then giving up easy buckets on the other end. This game was over in the first quarter because of that shit. Once again the Celts came out with 39/14% splits and zero defense, leading to 35 Nets points on 50/50%. 

I just want to know what the strategy is here. Is Brad not calling anything? Are the players tuning him out? I just want a real answer because what we are seeing is the exact opposite of how we know this team can play. If the preseason is about getting reps in and preparing for the season, what exactly were they preparing? Is this the offense? 

- I get it, they have guys out with injury, so rotations are going to be an issue. But here's the thing. Let's just talk about the rotation guys. The Robert Williams/Grant/Semi/Teague's of the world. I'm still not sure Grant can shoot, Teague has been solid this preseason, but it's Jeff Teague. Semi and Rob have been pretty brutal. When one of the Jays go out, this offense might be the worst in the entire league, and I'm not sure where that help is coming from.

Think about it. Even with a healthy Kemba, you have the foursome of Kemba/Smart/Jaylen/Tatum. Back when they had Hayward, we saw 2-3 of them on the floor at all times. It helped balance things out and still give them legit offensive options with the second unit. Well, heading into the season that is now Jaylen/Tatum/Smart. What have we seen this preseason that suggests keeping 1 of those guys on the floor with the bench unit will be effective? Even when it was Tatum last night, the team couldn't score. That is a big time issue that I'm not sure we know the answer to yet.

- Personally, I cannot believe the Celts lost a game in which they finished with 34/17% shooting and 22 TOs. I mean what even is that. How is that possible to do in a game where nobody is really trying. Especially after the 19 TOs and poor shooting we saw on Tuesday, where is the improvement we all heard Brad talk about? Remember when he said they looked better in practice? Maybe that's just because they were going up against the Celts defense.

- This is a huge opportunity for Marcus Smart now that he's a starter, and through two games it hasn't been even close to good enough. Another 3-11 (1-6) and a -16, he finished with the same number of TOs as ASTs, didn't really play the lock down defense he needs to, and if that's the case then he'll end up doing more harm than good. For this team to be good, they need Marcus to be the Toronto series Marcus and not whatever they hell this is.

- I think it goes without saying that both Tatum and Marcus need to follow the haircut science and trim it up. It is proven that the Celts players play better with a fresh cut. We've seen enough from both this preseason. Time to adjust.

The Ugly

- I'm not sure if people are afraid to say it, so I will. The Celts biggest problem through two games was their two best players and franchise cornerstones have looked like complete dogshit. Jayson Tatum and Jaylen Brown need to show up every single night. It's not just about their point total, it's about their efficiency and their effort. If these last two games are what we will get from them all year, the Celts are porked. Settling for threes on one end, not being aggressive, starting halfs going 8-23, it's been brutal. Not only that, but the effort isn't anywhere close to where it needs to be. Look at this shit from Jaylen

He also couldn't stop Joe Harris from blowing by him along the baseline a few minutes later. This cannot happen. I'm sorry but we need to hold these two to a higher standard. Instead of blaming Smart and Semi and bench guys, let's look to our best players. We are going to go as far as they are able to carry us, and they've been horrible in these games. That's so annoying because we KNOW they are better than what they are showing.

- This is the shit that also drives me mad. 

I get that Tatum eventually found an open shooter, but that shooter is someone who sneaky can't shoot. The fact that everyone just stood around and watched Tatum makes my blood boil. Look at how open the lane is, maybe someone should cut. Maybe there should be offball screens to make the defense react. I get that Tatum iso's sometimes work, but it's infuriating to watch. This is the shit that we saw in the bubble when their offense was collapsing, and they are right back to it.

OK, now everyone exhale. It's perfectly fine to be frustrated about what we are seeing on the floor while realizing these games do not matter. Even though I'm someone who prefers the Celts to play well whenever they step on the floor whether it's a real game or not, I know these games mean nothing. But what does matter is the habits they are forming. They aren't great. It certainly would have been great if the Celts were enterring the season with some momentum, but that dream is dead. You can tell me it's preseason all you want, but what signs are you seeing that things will look all that different on Wednesday? Kemba's not coming back. Thompson might not play. This roster as we currently see it is going to have to figure their shit out and actually ya know…try. 

If they win on Wednesday, we can all look back and laugh at these games. But as it stands right now this team looks pretty gross.