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Howie Roseman Apparently Has A Job For Life, Which Is A Massive Kick In The Dick To Eagles Fans Everywhere

Mitchell Leff. Getty Images.

First off, I'd like to make sure we're being inclusive here. So it's a massive kick to the dick and the lady dicks of Eagles fans everywhere. Now onto the story from the Philadelphia Inquirer.  

Inquirer - Sources close to owner Jeffrey Lurie said that while no decision has been reached on whether Pederson will be back for a sixth season, Roseman’s return never has been in doubt. In fact, it’s not even something Lurie has contemplated.

When asked about Roseman’s job security last week, former Eagles president Joe Banner, who has known Lurie since they were kids and spent nearly two decades working alongside him, said he didn’t think there was “even a 10% chance” of Roseman’s getting fired or being asked to resign.

Roseman, 45, has been with the Eagles since 2000, when he was hired out of Fordham Law School to help with the salary cap and player contracts. Reid brought him over to the football side and promoted him to vice president of player personnel in 2008 under general manager Tom Heckert.

If you're an Eagles fan who has contemplated substituting your Monday morning coffee for a big ol' glass of bleach due to this tragically abysmal season so far, just know that help isn't on the way any time soon. Because the man who has pulled all the strings and orchestrated this giant mess is apparently a made man. Apparently this buffoon has a job for life. If Jeffrey Lurie can't look at this current roster and realize how fundamentally fucked up it is to the point where you need to bring in somebody new to clean up the mess? Well then clearly he never will. 

Yes, the Eagles won a Super Bowl a few years ago. Yes, it was a magical run and Howie made a few big moves to make it happen. Signing LeGarrette Blount, trading for Jay Ajayi at the deadline, bringing back Nick Foles. But that was years ago at this point. And if the Eagles are ever going to get back to being a contender, it sure as shit ain't happening with the way this roster looks right now. 

I feel like we don't even need to fully breakdown everything that Howie has done to screw up this roster since it's a daily discussion in Philadelphia anyway. But drafting at the receiver position, letting the offensive line completely deteriorate, giving Carson Wentz a massive contract extension that would make him the 4th highest paid QB in the league only to draft his replacement in the 2nd round and have Carson Wentz on the bench before that contract even kicks in. The list goes on and on but I don't want to have to smash a hammer into my skull here. 

The issue here is that Howie Roseman is a nerd. He's a dork who was hired out of Fordham Law School. He's not a football guy. He wasn't supposed to be a football guy. He was just a guy with a calculator who was hired to crunch some contract numbers. But because he's such a nerd, he feels like he's smarter than everybody else. That's why he goes out and drafts a guy like JJ Arcega-Whiteside. That's why he passes on a guy like Justin Jefferson. Because he thinks that he can see something there that nobody else can. He'll never make the obvious pick in a draft because he thinks he's too smart to be obvious. He's so smart that it makes him a total dumbass. And that's what I think is the biggest problem. If the Eagles are going to be this horrific, the least they can do is go out and draft a stud like DeVonta Smith or Ja'Marr Chase. Howie will end up taking some tennis player out of the Pac-12 because he likes the upside. 

Last thing I want to mention: I'm sure that Howie Roseman has made plenty of money during the 20 years he's been in Philly but I still don't want to root for a man to lose his job. So it's not that Howie needs to be fired. But just move his title around and let him stay with the team as an advisor or something. This team needs to start drafting weapons instead of projects, and Howie seems like he's incapable of doing that.