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Can We Send Out The Smoke Patrol On This Firefighter At The Scene Of An F16 Crash? (That Sounds Weird, Just Trust Me)

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MONCKS CORNER, SCWCBD has confirmed with Berkeley County spokesperson Michael Mule that at approximately 11:03am on Tuesday, July 7, there was a plane crash near Lewisfield Plantation in Moncks Corner. Berkeley County officials have confirmed that the pilot of the military aircraft (F-16) ejected safely and has been transported by Berkeley County EMS to the hospital.

What am I looking at here? Is this chick just still drunk from Halloween and stumbling around in her sexy firefighter outfit? Is she just helping out and they let her wear a helmet in case any other planes fall out of the sky? A little blonde firefighter is like finding a unicorn or an attractive blogger: they don’t exist. And not to be sexist but let me get sexist here real quick: if that woman comes to save me from a burning building I’m telling her let’s just make love so I can die happy because the only other option is we die while she’s trying to rescue me. Might as well get something out of my death. Again, not to be mean, it’s just that I’m fat and the last time I saw biceps like that they were at a sorority mixer. We wouldn’t make it.