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Terry Collins Says The Mets Should Sacrifice A Human To Snap Out Of Skid

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I wish we lived in a world where things like this could actually happen, because the Mets should consider sacrificing a human.  As Feitelberg said on KFC Radio a few weeks ago, you are cursed until you aren’t cursed anymore.  You can talk about whether or not voodoo is real, but when a baseball team is putting up 0s and 1s every game, something more than just having a bad offense is going on.  If you want to blame the trade of Babe Ruth or a billy goat, you can.  Because the baseball gods are vindictive pricks.  I have seen way too much as a Mets fan to think otherwise.  Hell, even when the Mets finally made it to a World Series I could remember, they had to go and lose to the ONE TEAM in the world that would crush the fanbase’s hearts the most.

So I am all for sacrificing somebody for the greater good of the team.  Are you telling me there isn’t a fan that would step up for his brethren for the enjoyment of millions of other Mets fans?  If it actually worked, that person would be remembered the way Bostonians remember Dave Roberts and Theo Epstein.  I feel like it needs to be a worthy sacrifice, though.  The baseball gods wouldn’t accept us kidnapping Aaron Heilman and burning him on the pitchers mound like Melisandre does in Game of Thrones.  It needs to either be a great fan with a pure heart or a good baseball player.  Does that mean we sacrifice David Wright?  Diehard Mets fan growing up, owns most of the team’s offensive records, and if we are being honest, may not be healthy/useful to the team ever again.  Might as well sacrifice him while his stock is high in the baseball gods’ eyes.  And if it doesn’t work, we can collect insurance money on his contract, right?  And can we throw in Sandy Alderson and the Wilpons too?  Wright will be like the main entree when you order Chinese delivery, Sandy is the side of rice, and the Wilpons are the shit ton of sauces you get that you always end up throwing away.

Now I am not completely sold on this idea since Wright is by far my favorite baseball player ever, but sooner or later something drastic needs to be done.  If it’s good enough for Pedro Cerrano and the boys, it’s good enough for me.