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A Russian Pilot Showed His Support For A Suspended Soccer Star By Detouring His Flight Path So The GPS Would Draw A Dick

[Sun] - Flight manager Denis Petrikov was accused of violating safety measures after he changed the route of a Moscow-Yekateringburg flight on November 11.

They blame Pobeda's management for the incident, with the company's General Director, Andrey Kalmykov, receiving a severe reprimand, according to RBC.

The stunt was believed to be in support of national football team captain Artem Dzyuba, after his phone was reportedly hacked and a video released of a man performing a solo sex act. 

This is how you do it! This is how you show support for your best soccer player. I've blogged about Artem Dzyuba before. He's the hero and captain for the Russian soccer team, breaking out during the last World Cup. Somehow a video leaked of him jerking off. Since then he was banned from playing for the team for at least 3 games, he was even stripped as a captain for his club team. All because of this video. Let's be honest. Everyone jerks off. You masturbate. I masturbate. The person sitting next to you masturbates. Don't believe me, this Playboy Model made sure to remind you to support Dzyuba: 

We're going to sit here and let Russia pretend like everyone doesn't masturbate, I don't think so. I'm honestly shocked Russia is having Dzyuba miss these games. European/South American countries don't just have their soccer stars sit out for nothing. It's more surprising this video isn't just scrubbed and Russia moves on like it's nothing. 

So shout out this pilot. Sure, he got his boss fired. That's the price you pay when you're a fan. And sure, if I was a passenger on this flight I'd be losing my mind if this detour wasted time. But the fact is you don't mess with a fanbase and dicks are always funny.  It’s why people always laugh when a sports announcer accidentally draws a dick and balls with his telestrator. We sit on pins and needles every time an analyst goes to the screen and starts with a couple of circles. We all hope to see one of those veiny bastards so we can tweet out the picture and laugh for 5 minutes together. It brings the world together. 

Also I love the fake reasoning for the detour. 

The pilots originally claimed the unprecedented flight path was due to a suspected malfunction of the orientation sensors, although no evidence was found that they were faulty. It is reported they also told police they had to take that path in order to drain fuel, despite the plane not having a fuel draining system.

Having absolutely zero plan besides to draw a dick with your plane GPS is perfect. Uhh I don't know man, let's just make something u p about the fuel and sensors. No way that doesn't work. I feel like if you just throw out sensors for a plane problem people just go with it. Ah, yes, the sensors. That's exactly what was wrong with it. It's like when I try to understand what my mechanic tells me or anyone that fixes something in my house. Yeah totally I knew about the alternator. It was my first guess.

Anywho, here are pictures of that Playboy model by the way. Just be alert next time you fly you may be on a dick GPS detour.