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We As American People Cannot Stand For Jake Marsh Not Knowing Who Hootie & The Blowfish Are

 

As a massive, massive, massive Hootie fan...I am genuinely as disgusted as a human can be right now over what transpired on Stool Streams today. You know how disgusted Sammi is every time Ronnie used to get a girls number at Bamboo? 10x more disgusted. You know how disgusted we all were when Game of Thrones ended & not a single white walker picked up their sword in the final scene? 100x more than that. Remember the first (and hopefully only) time you watched 2 Girls 1 Cup? 1000x more disgusted than that. For someone that isn't a time traveler from the middle ages to just simply NOT KNOW Hootie & the Blowfish is just unspeakable.

As you can see in that video my first reaction to hearing Jake say "Glenny wearing a hat that I believe says Hootie & the Blowfish...I have no idea what that means" was utter shock. Was he just screwing with me? Does he simply not respect me taking advantage of the fire BOGO hat sale in the Hootie online store a few weeks ago? Or does he actually not know? I know there've been murmurs around the office of Jake Marsh's robot-like tendencies, but I never thought something to this extent could transpire.

After hours of pondering what had happened the initial feeling of shock had turned into sympathy. It's not right that poor Jake has lived 20+ years without that beautiful gravel of Darius' voice combined with the exquisite backup from the Blowfish. It really isn't. Everyone should listen to Cracked Rear View at least once in their lives. So Jake, hopefully you're reading this because I'm gonna drop a few Youtube links below. For the love of God please give 'em a watch and get back to me. 

You can't stop Hootie and his Blowfish...you can only hope to contain them.

 

 

The greatest ballad in American music. I think this is called a ballad...Either way it absolutely bangs.

 

 

WITH A LITTLE LOVE!!! AND SOME TENDERNESS!!

 

 

Please Jake…I'm pleading with you for your own good.