The Barstool Fund - In Support Of The 30 Day FundLearn More

Bad News Continues: Adolf Hitler Wins An Election In 2020

Okay, so no, not the Nazi Germany leader Adolf Hitler who died warm in his bed in Argentina in the 1970s. A new guy, named Adolf Hitler, from Namibia

Adolf Hitler is now district administrator in the Namibian district of Ompundja. What sounds like a bad joke is the truth. Adolf Hitler Uunona (full name) had 84.88 percent of the vote and will help shape politics in the Oshana region in the future. His father named him after this man and probably didn’t understand what Adolf Hitler actually stood for, he explains to “Bild”.

Even for him as a child this was simply a name, in adulthood he understood that this man “wanted to subjugate the whole world.” The six million Jews murdered under the rule of the Nazi regime are not mentioned here.

“Have nothing to do with it”

Uunona emphasizes: “I have nothing to do with any of these things.” He does not want to change the name, it is in all official documents. In fact, according to the picture, a few years ago a car was seen in Oshana, the rear window of which was marked with a swastika and the words “Adolf Hitler”. Uunona asserts that the car doesn’t belong to him.

The #1 most automatically retired name from the catalogue of names is "Adolf". If your parents named you Adolf anytime after the year 1945 then they were absolutely Nazi sympathizers. Being named Adolf Hitler should have you on watch lists, not at the top of polls, but here we are. And by "we" I really mean "they"...the people of Namibia. I don't know anything about Namibia, but I am crossing it off the list of travel destinations. Can't trust them. Nobody wins elections with 84.88% of the vote unless you're a maniacal dictator, which, of course is very on brand for anyone named Adolf Hitler. He says he has nothing to do with murdering 6 million Jews and destroying Western Europe, but Hitler's body was never recovered and this guy doesn't have a strong alibi. Says he wasn't born, but the 3rd reich was up to all sorts of crazy shit so we can't be too sure. He refuses to change his name. Pretty sus. Seems like something an egomaniac set on world domination would refuse. I'll continue to monitor this situation. 

This got me to thinking what are the other most retired names. I could only come up with two. First...Karen. Karens are dead forever. Nobody is ever going to be named Karen again. You can't even ironically name your dog Karen because everyone with assume she is a huge bitch who will bark at minorities. 

The other...Michael Jordan. For opposite reasons. Nobody will ever live up to that name. He's the greatest athlete whoever lived, a billionaire, an iconic brand the world over. If you name your kid Michael Jordan then you're setting him for a lifetime of "oh...but not the real one". Even Michael B Jordan, the reigning Sexiest Man Alive has to throw a middle initial in there. He is literally a super hero and he can't live up to the name on his own. Pretty good indication that nobody should ever have that name again.