Reports Are Saying That A Sussex Man On The Run Ended Up In A Slurry Pool And Handcuffs But I'm Not So Sure

I know that it's easy to say that's poop all over the dude, in his ass, in his ears, on his hands and basically everywhere but that seems to be a little too easy of an explanation. What is the real story here? Did this fella see a slurry and decide, "oh yeah. That's a good-ass hiding spot." Im not so sure. 

FUTHERMORE

I have never heard of the term slurry before. Have you? Now a slurry, lest we forget, is a semiliquid mixture, typically of fine particles of manure, cement, or coal suspended in water. But that's the technical definition and I have never been good with those. That being said, I don't see any cement or coal suspended in water on this fella. Do you?

Definition two then. Let's see what this one is all about. 

A slurry is generally made with liquid (often water or broth) mixed with either cornstarch or flour and added to a hot liquid to thicken it. Because a slurry is a concentrated starchy liquid it will thicken sauces and gravy. 

I gotta be honest. I feel like that fits more. In my humble opinion, this dude looks like he's covered in thickened gravy with a little cornstarch on him. It just makes more sense to dive into a pool full of gravy than to dive in a pool full of shit, no offense to my friends in India who did it to get rid of coronavirus. 

"Chaps! Explain the twigs and grasses on our sussex friend."

Well, as you know, gravy can be seasoned and developed more with thyme and rosemary. Look familiar?

Checkmate. If it's not cow shit, you must acquit.