It Is With A Heavy Heart That I Announce That Navy’s Uniforms Look Like Absolute Buttcheeks

Typically I stay away from frays betwixt the academies on the grounds that I don’t cheer or root on officers. The ZBT team has gone to the last 4 army/navy games and I have sided with the Navy because a few Marine officers go there.

As I man of principle, I must punish the Naval Academy and side with the Army. Believe you me, it makes me SICK to say this. I take no pride in it but I can’t abide such tomfoolery, such ballyhoo from our seafaring friends. You can’t walk into a 800 dollar a mouth townhouse in rural Nebraska and receive your uniform inspiration by looking at Formica countertops that are billed as granite. You cannot find your uniform inspiration by thumbing through old picture albums and finding a picture of your 2nd grade trapper keeper with a few sharks on it. Well, I guess you can but you lose my support.

Army Navy will be played at West Point this year. Army’s uniforms look great. The navy’s uniforms belong at the bottom of the ocean.

*Clears throat* 

Sink Navy. Go Army.