In Other Mysterious Statue News, This Giant Penis From Germany Is Now Missing

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Statues popping up and disappearing are all the rage right now. Some say it's the aliens. Rone thinks it's promo for a new Kanye album.

Either way, I have a feeling whatever the hell these things are will keep popping up — both in nature and on my timeline — for the foreseeable future until their purpose is revealed.

But in Germany, it was a very different statue which mysteriously disappeared this weekend.

New York Post — Police in southern Germany have opened an investigation into the disappearance of a large wooden sculpture of a phallus from a mountainside where it appeared without explanation several years ago.

Local newspaper Allgaeuer Zeitung reported Monday that the almost 7-foot tall sculpture appeared to have been chopped down over the weekend, with just a sorry pile of sawdust left behind on the 5,702-foot high Gruenten mountain.

I don't know if this was the work of aliens or some pranksters, but the statue chicanery has to stop somewhere and this is where I'm willing to put my foot down. If we don't have the German penis statue, we have nothing.

We need to stop this nonsense before whoever is doing all this nonsense comes for the statues on our shore. First it was the phallus and then before we knew it, they were beaming up the Lincoln Memorial. Enough.

I will personally see to it that the gigantic penis statue is back up on its rightful German hillside in due time.