A College Party Ain't A Party Until a 400 Pound Black Bear Crashes It

NBC Philly – A Pennsylvania college party got a little wild when a black bear showed up.

The black bear, weighing between 300 and 400 pounds, crashed the party early Saturday near the campus of Lehigh University.

Emergency officials received a flood of 911 calls after the bear was spotted around 2 a.m. in south Bethlehem, about 50 miles north of Philadelphia. The bear “lumbered close to the party and scared the living daylights out of people,” police Chief Mark DiLuzio said.

Lehigh University said in a “Bear Update” on its website that the animal was captured, tranquilized and removed from the area a couple hours later.

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Listen everybody knows brown bears are the ones you need to worry about. Black bears weigh between 2 and 500 pounds, brown bears weigh between 300 and over a THOUSAND. Black bears run away from you, brown bears run at you. (When attacked by a bear, simply lie still on the ground, cover your face and head with your hands. When the bear is finished batting you around and mauling you, contact the US Forest Service.) It’s just a fact that black bears are total pussies.

But something tells me when you’re fucked up at a college house party at 2:30 AM and a god damn 400 pound monster of a bear stumbles into the crew…it sobers you up real quick, no matter what the color. Crippling hangovers, slampigs, STDs, public intoxication/urination arrests – all things you plan on dealing with at any college party – ending up mauled to death and part of a future National Geographic special, not one of them.

PS – Why’d the bear crash the party in the first place? Simple. Same reason any of us do.

Encroaching development often prompts bears to leave their ranges, and it’s not unusual for them to stray into populated areas on their way to a new home, Kreider said. And while young bears can wander into neighborhoods in the spring as they strike out on their own, adult bears also move around this time of year because it is mating season, he said.