I would love to do a detailed breakdown of every single table with Pros and Cons for every single person of this dinner for schmucks. But the fact of the matter is there are wayyyy too many people on this list that I have never even met in person, I don't start gutter wars with coworkers for pageviews, and my allegiance is forever devoted to Table 11.
So 11 is obviously my pick. We may not be much to look at, but I can assure you that we will have a hell of a good time chewing the fat around the bird. We have Large as our fancy boy chef to make the entire delicious meal, Ken Jac and Tommy Smokes as our Tik Tok curator and creator to create conversation, Will Compton to explain what we are actually watching while the football games are on, VinDog to make sure the pipes don't get clogged after each course goes through us, and me to make sure we don't have too many leftovers. I would also invite Brandon F. Walker over to our table because the movie Shrek taught us that just because a big lug spends all his time alone, that does not make him a bad person or ogre. Not that I'm calling Brandon an ogre. Shit, I don't want to beef with a coworker that loves old school video games and wrestling. I want to spend Thanksgiving with that guy so we can wax poetic about the 90s and also gripe about how much we hate what our kids have done to our souls. Oops, probably shouldn't have wrote that last part in case my wife reads this.
Anyway, I'm sure the Comment Section will have plenty of takes, so the floor is yours. Happy Thanksgiving everybody!!!
For anybody talking about my butthole eyes, having a set of luggage underneath your eyeballs is perfectly normal with you have two young children that simply refuse to sleep through the night. Move on, find a new slant