There’s A New Queen of Hula Hoopin With Only Your Buttcheeks

Haters, hello. Lately I’ve been obsessed with world records. I don’t think I’ll ever personally own one but I’d sure like to. Imagine having that fun fact up your sleeve while you’re belly up at the bar ordering your next round of pink whitneys for the boys.

“Ha. No. It’s fine. Take your time. Just because I’m a world record holder doesn’t mean I should skip other people who are waiting.”

Now horny, the bartender perks up. 

“You’re a world record holder?”

“Lmao yeah. It’s embarrassing so I don’t usually bring it up.”

“For what?”

“Hey Tony! Tony! Hey, Tony! God damn it. Deaf mother fucker. TONY!”

“Yeah dude! What’s up?”

“Can you go to my truck real quick and bring the hula hoop?”

“Oh shit. Fuck yes. You gonna do it?”

“Do what” the bartender says.

“Lol you’ll see.”

Tony comes back and I put that mother fuckin thang on me after I slip into something a little more comfortable.

“Hammer don’t hurt em” the bartender whispers under her breath while I hoop like I’m Sue Byrd. 

I stop hula hoopin. “I’ll have 6 pink Whitney’s.”

“Have mercy. These are on the house.”

I know.