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Aunt Becky's Husband Goes Full Prison Mike Before Showing Up For His Bid

Uh-oh, the biggest guy in the yard is about to get suckered by a clothier who supplies Target and blew over a half-mill so his daughter could go to the same school as O.J. Simpson.

Giphy Images.

Nothing makes a Baby Boomer more intimidating than a Facebook app shaved pate and facial hair. The only surprise is that he didn't go with the Rory B. Bellows goatee.

Prison isn't a fun place to be. But like the father of one of my best friend's once uttered, "It's pretty easy to stay out of". And like my old man always says, "You wanna dance, you pay the fiddler". Mossimo Giannulli is currently paying the fiddler at USP Lompoc. It's a medium-security fed pen that has housed both inside traders and outlaw bikers so I don't know where it falls on the salad tossin' scale.

The facility may just be his first stop before ending up at the minimum security camp that is part of the Lompoc complex. Fortunately for Mossimo, his sentence is only five months. And thanks to the U.S.'s epic mishandling of a pandemic it was once prepared for and the resulting ripple effects, I wouldn't be suprised if he's home for Christmas. But just in case somebody does try to make him their bitch in the meantime, he can always take a page out of Richard Ripley's book and write a check.

Everywhere you look, there's a face of somebody who will take your protection money.

P.S. If you've never seen OUT OF SIGHT, you're doing it wrong.