(Source) – A group of 13- and 14-year-old students just developed a “smart” condom that glows in different colors if it detects a sexually transmitted infection (STI). Creators Muaz Nawaz, Daanyaal Ali, and Chirag Shah, from London’s Isaac Newton Academy, wanted to “make detecting harmful STIs safer than ever before” without invasive testing. Their invention, cleverly named the S.T.EYE, nabbed them the top health innovation prize at the city’s TeenTech Awards, which are intended to promote science, engineering, and technology in schools. At the competition, groups of kids ranging in age from 11 to 16 attempt to create “technology to make life better, simpler or easier.” The condom uses a built-in indicator that changes to a different color depending on the bacteria or infection it detects. The students said it may glow green for chlamydia, yellow for herpes, purple for human papillomavirus, or blue for syphilis. Molecules in the condom attach to the bacteria of common STIs, causing the contraception to fluoresce in low light.
Pretty cool and I tip my cap to these little virgins for having such an idea. But, as revolutionary a change this may be for the world of safe sex, this begs one very important question: do you stop? If you stick your penis in a girl and the thing comes out looking like a glow stick and/or light saber, do you stop having sex? No chance, right? You’re already swimming in STD’s, you can’t get more wet. At the very least you’ve already gotten them all in your mouth. So, why give yourself blue balls on top of the chlamydia? Actually, come to think of it, I hate these fucking things. All they do is kinda gross you out while you have sex. These condoms basically just turn the vagina into some chicken in the fridge that expired a few days ago: you’re still gonna eat it, but you’re gonna be uncomfortable while you do it and you’re not gonna enjoy it as much. They remind you that you’re gonna have to do chores after the sex and go get a Zpack at the clinic, that ruins all the fun.
Fuck these stupid ass condoms. Dumb nerds, maybe if they’d had sex instead of spending their young lives doing science stuff they would’ve thought all this through.