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Breaking The Ghost Pepper World Record Is The Greatest Achievement In Hardo History

There’s no way I’d attempt this. None. Why would you? What on earth do you gain by owning this record? What do you lose? Possibly your entire balloon knot. That’s the problem with records like this. They don’t show you the next day. Record breaking eating feats are all like that. They make it look so fucking sexy.

Sure, you look sexy as hell when you’re downing 76 hotdogs in an hour. People are lining up in the streets to literally fuck the hot dogs out of your belly. They wanna ride and ride and ride. But, after the bright lights flicker off, you’re left with a brown sausage the length of a meter stick and the girth of a tennis ball can. It’s just you and the toilet and the age-old question of how much can one toilet swallow.

That’s just for hot dogs. Ghost peppers are a whole different paint job. The heat of the liquid running from your body would be like a geyser in Yellowstone. The pressure from which the liquid would spew forth from your core would shatter the earth’s crust and leave it melted in its wake. If you think you’re tough enough for a ghost pepper race, just watch my extremely grounded and zen friends try to eat a ghost pepper that was grown on the mother rock. Folks, I’m talkin Hawaii. Enjoy.