Are you bad at sex? Do you take a woman home knowing she's just going to leave disappointed? When you bring a man into your bedroom, are you hoping it's been a while for him so he takes care of business quickly and you don't have to put forth much effort? Have people lied straight to your face with the ol', "no, no no, it's not you, I just rarely cum" line? Do you desperately hope who you are in bed is not who you are in really life?
Well, good news!
NY POST - Our sexual pleasure depends on how we handle stress and where that stress is coming from, a new study shows.
Maybe you're not terrible at sex? Maybe you're just working too much and it's making you bad at sex???
For women, bad sex stems from job stress – external pressures like a deadline or a nasty boss. For men, it comes from burnout – an exhaustion from within caused by being too invested in the rat race.
“The genitals are the most honest part of the body,” said Dr. Stephen Snyder, a Manhattan sex therapist who isn’t tied to the research. “When your genitals say no, that can be just your mind’s way of telling you something’s wrong.”
Boy is that true! You can try to convince yourself person x is right for you for a myriad of legitimate reasons (they're kind, thoughtful, loving, someone you would like to see yourself with), but if your genitals aren't feeling person x, it's over. And there's nothing you can do about it; your penis/vagina simply cannot be swayed.
Naturally if your job is stressing you the fuck out, it makes perfect sense that it is literally stressing the fuck right out of you and your genitals are wasting zero time pretending it doesn't. Why would they? They're not there to stroke your ego; they're there to be stroked.
Researchers reached their conclusions after six months of monitoring the sex lives of 251 doctors in Greece – 143 men and 108 women, all in their early 30s. All the doctors had both job stress and burnout, ranging from mild to high.
The men either had weak erections or none at all. Consequently, they ended up having less sex, which led to dissatisfaction with their lives overall. Then, their unhappiness led them to drink more, exacerbating their erectile dysfunction.
The women’s troubles translated solely to their own pleasure: They endured vaginal dryness and had fewer orgasms.
And they say men have it easier than women! All women get is a few less orgasms and a drier vagina. Meanwhile men are walking around with a worthless dick and a drinking problem!
For Snyder, the conclusions should send a serious message to men – especially in New York, the capital of high-powered careers.
“Consider paying a bit more attention to your relationships and other life goals,” advised Snyder, who wrote “Love Worth Making.” “Got to diversify, you know?”
So stress less, invest more in an actual human partner, and you'll come more.
BUT if your job isn't a source of stress in your life and you still suck at sucking and fucking, well, I'm sure there are plenty of people just like you. So get out there and find yourself another miserable, sexually-inept individual to share your misfortunes with, because we all deserve love, even if you don't know how to make it.