The Smoking Gun- Arkansas cops are seeking the public’s assistance in identifying a pantsless man who was spotted Thursday afternoon masturbating next to a truck outside, of course, a Kum & Go convenience store. According to police in Springdale, “Witnesses reported seeing a white male standing next to a Ford Ranger truck. Callers stated that the male did not have any pants on and appeared to be masturbating.” One witness snapped a photo of the man, who “realized he was being watched and quickly left the area.” It is unclear whether the man completed the act before departing. The image of the Kum & Go suspect is seen above.
You wanna know how innocent and naive I was before I came to Barstool? Gas stations named Kum & Go never phased me. That is to say, I didn’t think there was anything weird about the name Kum & Go. Those bad boys are all over the Midwest. There’s one every 4 blocks it seems like. The HQ is in West Des Moines. I’d see one, think nothing of it and move on with my day. For 24 years I was like that. That was until I started working here, proclaimed my love for gas stations and people from different sections of the country started chirping me about Kum & Gos. And I get it now. Kum. It’s like cum. Like when a person orgasms. Now every time I see one it’s the only thing I think about and I laugh every time. Anyyyyway. This dude in Arkansas took the name Kum & Go much too literally. Can’t say I blame him though. I bet Kum & Gos get confused for places where you can jerk off and walk away all the time. It’s literally their name. Hey, you don’t want guys jerking off at your stores? Then don’t name your fucking store Kum & Go. It’s that simple.