Wake Up With the Sex Scandal Politician from 'Parks & Rec'

Pawnee councilman Bill Dexhart. One of the great obscure repeating characters in recent sitcoms. And the perfect stand-in for our ruling class. Handsome. Vapid. Self-possessed. And horny as all hell. 

"And to my wife: I apologize. All I can say is, I wasn't just having sex. I was making love to a beautiful woman. And her boyfriend. And a third person whose name I never learned. Furthermore, it was wrong of me to say I was building houses for the underprivileged when I was actually having four-way sex in a cave in Brazil." Plus a love child with his babysitter. Sex with four nurses in a supply closet at the hospital where the baby was being delivered. Plus another woman whose husband was there for a liver transplant. And sex with a hooker in the limousine with a hooker on the way to and from the press conference.

Now I realize my life won't be complete until I try Text Mexting. Under the name Enrique Shockwave. If only all our leaders could be this forthright, politics might actually be fun.