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Mizzou Bans Hard Liquor In Frats...Proposes Drug Tests For All Greek Members and Banning Girls From Houses Between 10 PM - 3 AM

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USA Today – University of Missouri fraternities in the Interfraternity Council (IFC) will say goodbye to hard liquor in all fraternity houses in the fall, says an IFC representative.

This decision comes in light of the MU Fraternity Alumni Consortium’s list of proposals for improving the “safety of women students in fraternity houses” and limiting the number of sexual assaults on campus. These proposals include prohibiting women guests in fraternity houses between 10 p.m. and 3 a.m. on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays, forbidding out-of-town social events and formals, outlawing hard alcohol and implementing mandatory drug testing for all Greek members.

Parker Briden, IFC vice president of public relations at Mizzou, says IFC does not support all of the consortium’s proposals as they currently stand.

“We don’t like what most of them are — with the exception of the alcohol policy — in their first form,” Briden says. “I kind of think it’s the wrong direction to go, but we don’t want students to be in a panic and think that these are the new policies without amendment.”

However, the council will be changing some of its own policies sometime during the fall 2015 semester.

“While alcohol doesn’t necessarily cause sexual assault, it’s definitely a contributing factor,” Briden says. “So, in order to try and discourage people from binge-drinking, we’re going to be banning hard liquor in all fraternity houses and having a system that allows for people to drink beer and wine.”

He says this new policy will hopefully “discourage people from going overboard with their alcohol consumption.” Any fraternity found in violation of this policy will be turned over to the Office of Student Conduct.

Hahaha holy shit. Thank GOD I got out of college when I did, before all this ultra-Pussification bullshit came along and ruined everything. I mean, come on. I get that sexual assault is a huge issue on college campuses, I think we all get that, and any normal person with a functioning brain in their head and a heart in their chest knows it needs to be addressed and steps need to be taken to prevent it. But this is honestly your answer to it? Banning liquor, giving everyone drug tests, banning out of state formals, and banning GIRLS IN THE HOUSE?? How about wrapping every single student on campus in a gigantic bubble? Be like Bubble Boy in Seinfeld, or that stupid Jake Gyllenhaal movie.

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They can roll and bounce around to class and back then lock themselves in their dorms with nothing but their books and study study study. Impose a mandatory curfew right after supper too while we’re at it. (A dinner where everyone is required to eat 8 ounces of greens and a tall glass of milk of course.) Every kid has a personal chaperone that escorts them around campus and makes sure they wake up on time, wear appropriate clothes and attend all their classes. Also they’ll have a nighttime one that walks around with a Breathalyzer and cuts them off as soon as they hit the legal BAC limit. Any member of the opposite sex that approaches will have to stand an arms-length away at all times and have their parent’s permission to engage in any sort of conversation. Those are my recommendations at least, Missouri can take them or leave them.

PS – Serious question, do the morons running Mizzou realize how unsafe of an environment they’re creating with these rules? Driving 18-23 year olds at a state party school to underground drinking? Making girls who are partying and possibly drunk leave the place they are at 10 PM? Naaaaa, too much common sense.