I gussied up and re-posted an old blog about Elvira "Mistress of the Night" yesterday morning. I thought with Haloween on the horizon, why not give that old creepy bitch some shine.
Sorry, that's Vampira.
Apologies… That's Salma Hayek right before she turns into a sexy vampire.
Clearly, that's Cher.
I ended the blog commenting about what separates Elvira from other sexpots of her generation is the fact that she has gone topless for a handful of publications. in contrast, nowadays, the genitals of most movie stars and TV personalities are easily spied with a simple image search.
Do you know the guy who plays Captain America?… Chris Something?
Well, I've seen his dick.
Are you a fan of Legolas from The Lord of the Rings movies?
Well, I am… And I have seen Orlando's Bloom.
And then there's always this…
(Yeezus Christ… Get a room, you skells!)
My point is- Published nudity is not the death sentence it used to be.
And I should've left it at that, but I ignorantly closed the blog saying…
I will go to my grave never seeing behind the curtain on other titular ladies from her era, such as Lynda Carter, Dolly Parton, or Charo. But Elvira was decent and desperate enough to let them fly on film, so full disclosure is never more than just a few keystrokes away.
Then I signed off with my silly little tagline and went on my merry way.
Moments later, I logged onto Barstool's homepage to tweet out the blog when I noticed something… That stupid post already had 35 comments.
Now, 35 is not a huge number, but it is a substantial amount for a mindless picdump that I hit SEND on just minutes before. So I checked the comment section to see what was awry, and I immediately realized that since I re-tooled this AFTP from 2018, the old comments from the original post came along for the ride.
But that's not all that I noticed…
Outside of all the 2-year-old comments, there was a fresh one sitting right up top from a gentleman I obviously don't know with the handle "CarloVanSexron" that simply said…
Lynda Carter dumps them out in 'Bobbie Joe and The Outlaw'. They are glorious.
And my jaw dropped.
Clock a ticket to commemorate this occasion because I have never in my life jumped into a search engine quicker than on October 27th, 2020 at 8:48 AM, when I read, "Lynda Carter dumps them out in 'Bobbie Joe and The Outlaw', and they are glorious."
My fingers almost tied in knots as I hunted-and-pecked the words, "Lynda Carter" and "Boobie Joe and The Outlaw" into the search bar.
(I promise you it was not on purpose, but I did mistype the word "Bobbie" in that initial search… Accidentally opting instead for the more apropos "Boobie".)
It turns out CarloVanSexron was not lying. Lynda Carter did get topless in a fucking TERRIBLE 1976 movie called Bobbie Jo and The Outlaw that told the story of a stunning carhop (Carter) who wants to be a country singer and her sweetheart who dreams he is Billy the Kid as they become involved in robbery and murder.
There are plenty of still shots to look at on-line, but here's a random clip from the film with Lynda's naughty bits boxed out by the good people at IMPACT.
As you can see, in a vacuum, the nudity in this flick is nothing compared to the colonoscopy Ray J performed on Kim, but for a whole generation of men who prayed that Wonder Woman's suit would fall down during her iconic spin, it means more than you can imagine.
Sorry, that's a young (and homely) Cher.
Sorry, that's Gal.
Not sure who this is.
Cher again (kidding).
So thank you, CarloVanSexron… Thank you very much.
It may not mean much to a younger generation of porn addicts, but even that passing glimpse of Wonder Woman's nipple was enough to make me want to dig up the tube sock I named after her in 1979.
One final thing… Just so there are no further surprises, I did exhaustive research to see if the other ladies I mentioned in the Elvira blog had any nude skeletons in their closet.
Turns out Charo has only an inadvertent upskirt picture in her past and Dolly Parton has never bared her ample bosom on a film of any kind. HOWEVER, a simple image search of "Dolly Parton nude" will give you an intimate look into the world of bad photoshop… Give it a gander when you have a moment (and a sock).
Take a report.