Today's Cowboys Defense Fiasco: Defensive Coordinator Mike Nolan Had To Stop A Conference Call Because He Accidentally Wiped His Eye While Tabasco Sauce Was On His Finger

I mean at what point does Jerry Jones just mercy fire Mike Nolan? You know how there are different levels to how prisoners look down at other prisoners? Like if you committed an especially horrific crime, you are pretty much dead meat the minute you get in the clink? I feel like the same kind of thing applies to Football Guys and being a defensive coordinator who can't get a stop is about as low on the food chain as you can get. The only thing lower than those guys are coaches that can't handle spicy foods. It doesn't matter if it's touching your tongue, eyeball, or dick. You gotta beat the heat or get your ass out the kitchen, and the kitchen is the NATIONAL. FOOTBALL. LEAGUE. [said in shitty announcer voice]

I get the theory that Mike Nolan was essentially sabotaging himself to get out of answering questions of why the Washington District Of Columbia Football Team Of The National Football League was able to run through his defense like coffee through Uncle Chaps' system. But what do you think a Football Guy like this:

Thinks of a guy like this leaving a call because of a bit of Tabasco in the eye?

That's reputation suicide to go along with the career suicide that occurs every time Nolan's defense gives up 6 points.

Seriously Jerruh, just let this guy go before the snickering behind his back starts. Actually that's probably already the case because the Cowboys already have the makings of a mutiny on their hands from anonymous sources. If you could just hold off on firing Nolan until the Giants play the Cowboys again because that was the one game where our offense actually looked competent and then fire him immediately afterwards once the clocks hits triple 0s, that would be greaaaaat.