'Castration Expert' Claims To Have Been Chopping D*cks Off & Eating Them In The Oklahoma Boonies For 15 Years

More like Okla-NO-ma, amiright? 

Warning: You might want to hold tight to your genitals for safekeeping as you read this one.

From The Oklahoman

Two men were accused Wednesday in a criminal charge of performing an illegal gender reassignment surgery on a volunteer at their cabin in the woods and then keeping the body parts in a freezer, possibly to eat later.

Bob Lee Allen, 53, and Thomas Evans Gates, 42, were arrested Oct. 15 after going to the hospital in McAlester to try to visit the victim, Le Flore County Sheriff Rodney Derryberry said Tuesday.

"I can't say it's cult activity," the sheriff told reporters. "It is something that we have never in my career run across in this part of the country. It is borderline some type of activity. ... We know there's a lot of rumors out there but at this time there's no danger to the public."

Apparently Allen & Gates claimed to have been chopping penises off in the woods for at least 15 years (with videos to prove it), did the slicing for free, and kept the victim awake the whole time with only local anesthetic. And just when you thought it couldn't get any scarier here's a few more excerpts

The victim "stated that after the surgery was over that Allen said that he was going to consume the parts and laughed and said that he was a cannibal," according to the affidavit.

The victim further stated that Allen "had six more clients on the way to have the same operation" and that Allen "informed him that he had a freezer with body parts and showed him pictures on his phone."

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The victim said Allen took him to the hospital the next day because he had a lot of bleeding after first telling him, "No morgue. No ER." He said Allen told him that if he passed out or died that he would dump him in the woods, according to the affidavit. He said Allen instructed him to say "he done it to himself" once they arrived at the hospital.

In a search of the cabin Oct. 15, investigators found a plastic bag "with what appeared to be testicles" in a deep freeze in a bedroom.

There's a lot of freebies out there that might stop you in your tracks & have you stuffing your backpack; Pens from the bank, knick knacks laying around the Barstool office, airline blankets… but the one thing you might wanna keep on walkin' past when you see it? A free castration, folks. Especially if it's in the woods of Oklahoma. (Connecticut? Maybe.)

Giphy Images.

I do sort of get it… I was in a wedding once where I was determined to get fake eyelashes even though I was dead-broke, so I went to a cheap-o place that I just knew in my heart was going to fuck my world up. And they did! Pretty much glued my eyelids to the top of my eye while ripping lashes off in what turned out to be an incredibly painful ordeal that lasted several days. So, uh, yeah… It's like that, but with a penis and like, way, way, way worse in every possible way? No?? Tasteless comparison? Not even close?

But really, gender reassignment/affirming surgery can be pretty damn pricey, especially if you don't have health insurance. And I'm not going to pretend to fathom the level of anguish one must be in mentally if you're at the point where you're trusting free surgery in a woodlands cabin, but I'm willing to bet 'insanely desperate' could describe it. Sometimes where there's a will there's a way, and when judgement gets clouded by that creeps like Allen & Gates are out there waiting to take advantage.

For many transgender people, recognizing who they are and choosing to start transition can take a lot of reflection. These are people with an enormous amount of stigma weighing on them, and I err on the human side of empathy. I don't believe it's a decision anyone takes lightly, and if reassignment surgery has the ability to ease mental agony (to the point where one could argue it's even life-saving), and it makes this one shot at life fulfilling for them, I say good on 'em. It's their life, their body, existing is hard enough & people are people. You're entitled to the same dignity, love & respect regardless. But, you know, maybe a fundraiser or something instead next time, for the love of all that is holy.