My New Short Shorts Electrified The Internet

So I got lots of chirps about my shorts game on yesterday’s rundown.  Just blew people’s minds. Yup that’s right motherfuckers I redid my entire shorts wardrobe. Just flipped the entire short game on it’s head. Thighs leaking out everywhere. Slim fit as fuck. Guess what? I love it. Makes me look 30 pounds skinnier and 4 inches taller. It’s the new Dave. The Italia Dave. Everything high and tight. I can’t walk down the street without people telling me I look great. Asking me if I lost weight. Whether I found the fountain of youth. Gracie Tracy damn near cummed herself last time she saw me. Now I’m not saying short shorts are for everybody. If I was ripped and in shape you don’t need em. But for my body type it’s a no brainer. If you don’t think I look 1,000% times better with these than you’re either a hater or sneaky afraid you’ve turned gay for me. Either way these short shorts are here to stay. I bought like 10 different pairs of these bitches in all different colors. So keep chirping me. I swear to god I’ll go even higher.