What Superpower Would You Want To Have...But Only When You're High?

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Variety - Craig Robinson, Andy Samberg and Common are producing and starring in the action-comedy “Super High” at New Line Cinema.

“Super High” is being described as a superhero movie where smoking a special strain of weed gives superpowers to the smoker.


Superpowers, so hot right now, superpowers. First of all, if you haven't been watching Amazon's "The Boys", that's your weekend homework. There's 16 episodes, 1 hour each, I expect everyone who hasn't seen it to get it done by Monday morning. It's a great show and you need to be watching. Also, 1 #Respect to them for making the week-to-week release schedule work. All it did was generate a ton of buzz and make me wait in anticipation for the next episode to drop. 

So because Hollywood is a copy-cat league, we are now going to see a flurry of shows and movies that are superhero based, but with twists. And this new movie "Super High" looks like it's batting leadoff, taking the premise of superheroes and making it about THE WEEEEEDUHHHHH



So it begs the question, what super power would you want…but you only get it while you're high? It's more complicated than you think. For example, no chance I want to be able to read anyone's mind while I'm high. That would fuck me up. Hearing all these voices all around me would send me on a 1st class trip to Panicville. I'm imagining the scene out of Bruce Almighty when he's hearing everyone's prayers and he goes nuts, no thank you.

What about flying? I think I'd enjoy flying…but while high? I could see myself dozing off mid-flight and next thing you know I'm one of those birds that flies into glass buildings. "Did you hear about Nate? Died. Smoked a bowl and flew headfirst into a bell tower." I don't trust myself walking down the street while high, so flying? Nope, I'm out on that one.

X-ray vision. That's a classic superpower. For the same reason as mind reading, I don't think X-ray vision is for me. I'd get way too anxious and confused. I'd end up forgetting if my X-ray vision is on or off, and I'd lose track of if I'm looking through walls or not. The entire thing would be a mindfuck. Plus I'd end up getting way too curious and see way more people naked than I ever should. Not talking chicks. I want to see what guys are packing heat or not. Like, I'd know if Gaz had in his trousers. Some things are best kept unknown.

So what superpower do I want while high? I don't know…maybe none? Superpowers seem like a "mo money, mo problems" type of thing. You want them and then you end up abusing them and they end up being more of a pain in the ass than they are worth. You get superhuman strength, now you're expected to flip over cars and save everyone at any given time. But you're too high and don't make it in time and everyone blames you for little Timmy's death. Ability to breathe under water? Same thing. A school bus full of kids falls into a river, you need to go save them all, but you're eating a frozen pizza and all the children die. So I think I think I'm all set on superpowers. Maybe the ability to not burn the roof of my mouth on Bagel Bites? Let's not get crazy though, that'll never exist, even in make believe world.