Picture this. Dozens of pairs of seasonally-themed Mickey and Minnie Mouse ears begin to collect dust hung behind a bedroom door, overlooking Woody and Buzz dolls which sit sadly in place atop a dresser covered in Cinderella, Snow White and Ariel stickers. A couple sits quietly on the couch in their matching Disney shirts watching Lion King for the tenth time this month, tears slowly dripping down their cheeks as they remember better days, spookier days at Disney World every single weekend of their adult lives. Does the woman have an abysmal tooth to gum ratio? Some would say that is a common theme among female Disney obsessed adults. Is the man sporting a very strong, un-maintained neck beard on a head that sits on a portly frame? Probably. This is a real scene across America right now, apparently and, frankly, I am sick and tired of it.
For context, a few months ago, right when I had first started, I wrote a blog about how a sect of Twitter I did not previously know existed, revolted against me, sent me death threats, and collectively called me a "joy-sucking loser" for saying this:
That aforementioned sect of Twitter is the Disney-obsessed adults. Some of the most insufferable, strange creatures on planet earth.
I'm not talking about the people who enjoy the movies, go to the parks, etc. Do your thing. Enjoy what you enjoy. You want to go to the park and spend your hard-earned money on the same thing once a year? Not my cup of tea, but sure. I've gotten hammered doing the around the world drinking challenge in Epcot and that was a blast. Would I want to do it all the time? No. But it was a good time. Who I AM knocking are the absolute weirdo adults who put absolutely all of their time, energy and money into going to Disney World and defending it to the death. This video went viral a few months ago about a grown woman absolutely losing her shit and publicly weeping because the park wasn't quite "spooky" enough.
No well-adjusted individual in their right mind would react to a lack of spookiness like that.
I had thought this saga had ended and I was able to peacefully move on with my life, but then this article came across my Twitter timeline today.
A G O N Y
Not sadness, not being upset. AGONY. Definition: Extreme physical or mental suffering.
There is a 32-year-old woman quote in the story who says “I’ve been watching videos of Disneyland parades on YouTube and crying." They also talked to a 30-year-old man who hosts Zoom Disney trivia nights and is a "certified representative of Storm Troopers" who visited the park ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY THREE TIMES last year.
The strangest thing from the entire article, aside from the fact that is about people who are sad about Disney being closed not the 28 THOUSAND people Disney laid off a few weeks ago which got a sentence in the piece, is discovering an entire sect of individuals who participate in "Disneybounding," which is a loophole to dress up as Disney characters in regular clothing and go to the park. Why does it have to be a loophole, you ask? Because Disney doesn't allow anyone over the age of 13 to dress up. Obviously. Because it is fucking strange. Put them in prison.
People are losing their jobs all over, people are literally dying all over the world, and this is the sad, woe is me story we're going to focus on? People who are upset because they can't spin around in the teacups every single weekend of the year? Even sports fans, some of the most irrational and over-the-top people on this planet, didn't and don't act like this when they're unable to attend games.
I hate how much headspace these weirdos occupy in my brain. I desperately want it to go away, but then just as I begin to forget about them some absolute nonsensical shit above gets posted and here I am back again all upset.