A New Development In My Life Has Me Shook To My Core

It's a day that comes for most men. Some sooner than others. Some it never happens to at all. It's really in most of our hands to decide whether this fate comes to fruition for you. 

I have realized at the moment being 27 years old that fate has come true for me. 

I am now officially an XL wearer. 

The larges have been put away. All new orders now feature one more letter and one more scroll to the right. It feels sad, but again I take full responsibility. 

My morning trips to the gym have been replaced with a mobile order chai latte and a coffee cake (390 calories). My daily water intake has now become a fountain soda (normally 32 oz not 44 oz). On weekends my most common phrase used is "yeah i'll take another" with the closest thing resembling physical activity being me cheerfully raising my right arm and shaking my almost empty bottle while asking for one more. 

Luckily, though, it seems as if I'm not alone - even at my place of work. 

I've been lucky in this department I suppose because I have yet to notice a change in waist size, but the gut and man titties have forced my hand to give myself a little extra room up top. 

My friend and fellow Steelers fanatic Ellie makes a fair point. Winter is coming. The chill is in the air. But unfortunately for me in this category I'm not a tauntaun on Hoth so I'm able to provide myself plenty of resources to keep myself warm besides the o natural way by just becoming a fat ass. Won't use this excuse either. 

It's part of getting older. They don't call me "Joey Fat Cheeks" for nothing. Now I finally understand the line in the 1998 Adam Sandler classic "Big Daddy" where he tells Julian he wishes he still had his metabolism. 

"Yeah when I was your age I could eat whatever I want. Now, I drink a chocolate milkshake and my ass jiggles for a week."

To all my fellow size up fellas and ladies out there, I'm with you. Eat that milkshake.