Illinois Man Completes Lifelong Goal Of Crashing Car Through Garage Door. Somehow This Is Not An Onion Article

(Source) A suburban Chicago man who says he always wanted to know what it is like to smash through a garage door now knows the feeling. Ninety-one-year-old Walter Thomas of Woodstock was able to slam an SUV through a garage door with his family’s help.

The garage was slated to be torn down, so Thomas’ action was of no consequence. The SUV was donated. It was then up to Thomas to back it through the garage door and check that activity off his bucket list. Thomas described what he did this way: “I hit the gas, squealed the tires and bang — we went through the door.” Thomas says he doesn’t know what he could do to top that.

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First of all, the fact that this wasn’t an Onion article is one of the more shocking things I have ever seen in my life. I read the headline about 5 times thinking it was fake, like a dog hearing a weird noise, head tilted trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

But nope, It was just an old guy who has lived a long fruitful life looking to check off one last thing on that bucket list. Crash a car through a garage door, make a big bang, and smile your dick off.  Greatest smile ever right there, if I could bottle that happiness up and sell it I would be a millionaire/opium dealer

Second, and most importantly, this quote, that’s the stuff right there.

Just live life to the extreme/carry out perfectly calculated car accidents with donated SUV’s and garages that were going to be torn down anyway. Extreme as it gets. Love this guy.