The American Judicial System Is Broken: Zamboni Driver Forced To Serve Jail Time For A ZUI

CBC – A North Dakota man who admitted being drunk while operating a Zamboni during a high school hockey game was convicted Tuesday after the judge rejected his lawyer’s argument that the ice-resurfacing machine didn’t meet the definition of a vehicle under city code.

Steven James Anderson, 27, was sentenced to nine days in jail, with credit for one day served, and ordered a $1,500 fine, chemical dependency evaluation, and participation in the state’s 24/7 sobriety program. He was arrested in January during the girls hockey game in Fargo after witnesses complained he was driving erratically on the ice between periods and crashing into the boards.

Are we sure this trial took place in North Dakota and not North Korea? Because this is some messed up shit we’re dealing with here. 9 days in jail for a ZUI. Nine. That’s 216 hours if my calculations are correct, which they always are. That is just absurd. I said this back in January when the arrest was first made, but it’s common law of the land that you don’t get on the ice until the Zamboni is off and the doors are closed. So as long as everyone is adhering to those rules, nobody was in harms way. Obviously this judge has never seen an And 1 tshirt in his life because if he did, he’d realize that the case was closed on account of No Blood, No Foul. But now this sets the legal precedent for dealing with Zamboni-ing Under the Influence and everything is royally pucked. Every year, hundreds and tens and maybe one person will be imprisoned and forced to pay a $1,500 fine for committing a crime that isn’t even a crime at all. So someone go ahead and wake up Ruth Bader Ginsberg because the Supreme Court has itself one hell of a mess to clean up here.

We must do everything we can to protect Zamboni Drivers’ Rights. And we have to do it for this man right here.