In Honor Of White Sox Dave Reminding Us About Trevor Bauer's 3 Rules Of Dating, I Present "The Dante Test"

As a happily engaged man, I thankfully don't need to worry about the nightmarish dating scene anymore. 

But a lot of my friends are still out there in the trenches. Catching shrapnel on an every weekend basis from the insane amount of clout chasing, dating app expert skanks out there today. 

I was single for a good amount of time before I wore my fiance down to give me a chance. So I knew the hellscape of having to ask a girl out, then think of somewhere to take that girl out, then come up with conversation for a few hours to entertain said girl (aka let her talk about herself the whole time) that is dating today. I learned very well. 

And in that time I learned something extremely valuable that I took with me and have passed on to friends of mine. 

As Big Man On Campus reminded us last week, one of the best movies ever, A Bronx Tale highlighted an incredibly valuable test, and one slightly less.

The first, not so valuable test was the Crazy Mario test.

If you don't know what it entails, google it.

The second, and more important test is Sonny's "Door Test".

A very simple, yet eye-opening look into a potential mate's personality, values, and altogether makeup. 

A great rule. Better than that lunatic Trevor Bauer's that Dave reminded us all about today.

But a bit outdated. Most doors today are power locks. And most people have keys that unlock doors. So the test is kind of hard to apply in 2020.

Mine is not. 

And like Sonny's, it offers a glimpse into what a person is made up of right off the bat.

It goes like this-

You take a girl out. Wherever. For coffee, drinks, or dinner if the kids are still doing that these days.

Hopefully, this doesn't happen, but it usually does because it's the norm today. But if her phone comes out and it's placed on the table, or bar, or whatever, and she lays it face down then you run, and you run fast. Because that's a shady broad and all you're seeing if the tip of the iceberg. 

Same goes for if you come back from the bathroom and the phones all of a sudden out and lying facedown. 

I know it might sound extreme but trust me on this one. It has never failed. Ever.

She either respects you enough to not have to be on her phone for 2 hours or however long you're out for and leaves it in her pocketbook. Or she has nothing to hide and can leave it face up if it's out. If she does either of those and everything else about the night goes smooth chances are she's a keeper. Hell, she saw the good in you to take you up on your request to go out didn't she?

But if not, do like Sonny said and dump her and dump her fast.

(IMPORTANT CAVEAT- none of this applies if you’re just trying to smash. In fact it’s probably in your best interest if this happens so the opposite applies)

This one was free. Good luck out there.

If you have one of your own drop it below and share the wealth.